Young Writers Society

Head out to explore,
the ruby red, the glistening gold
and warm orange covered paths.

The colours are motionless
laying in harmony over one another.
Their frames staggered towering above
revealing their naked bodies.

Every step invites,
a string of notes that
tickles your ears ever so sweetly.

Above are swirls of
cotton candy clouds.
As they are being pierced through
by the sun’s last words and promises.

Through you, you feel air
Crisp, calm and charming.
It twirls and twists your heart
And lightens each step.

Whatever was, it is lost
in the now.
That is the spell,
Of an autumn evening.

Ooh, great poem! I loved it. Nice topic to pick and great use of metaphors and imagery; I could really see the places in my head, the leaves and the colors...why does it unswervingly remind me of your avatar? hmm...

Anyways, I'll go through the stanzas one by one...

Head out to explore,
the ruby red, the glistening gold
and warm orange covered paths.

I love the description in the first part, I feel like I'm really there. However, in the last line, I don't like the use of "orange". You just used great words like "Ruby" and "Gold", so why use orange?

The colours are motionless
laying in harmony over one another.
Their frames staggered towering above
revealing their naked bodies.

This is again great imagery, and I like how you focus on color since it is a very important element in autumn; however, the naked thing at the end does not even make sense, I mean, they're colors, right? How does it do anything for the description to tell people that colors are naked? Because that really does not make sense.

Every step invites,
a string of notes that
tickles your ears ever so sweetly.

I like the beginning two lines, but in the last line, I don't get how you can be tickled sweetly. I think it would make better sense to say "gently" or something else.

Above are swirls of
cotton candy clouds.
As they are being pierced through
by the sun’s last words and promises.

Great description of the sun! This was probably my favorite stanza; there's not really anything wrong with it.

Through you, you feel air
Crisp, calm and charming.
It twirls and twists your heart
And lightens each step.

The rhythm seems a little off at the end of this. It seems to end mid-sentence even though the sentence ends, if you know what I mean. It just sounds rather abrupt.

Whatever was, it is lost
in the now.
That is the spell,
Of an autumn evening.

In the first line of this stanza, the grammar doesn't sound quite right, I think it should be, "Whatever it was, it is lost" instead. As for the rest, the next two lines seem too short, and kind of disconnected, I guess. They're just a little choppy, that's all.

Otherwise, great job! Keep writing poetry, I'd love to read more.

Hey, uncharted!

This poem has some great metaphorical usage and it all comes along seamlessly. The transitions from being such a beautiful day from the "orange covered paths" to the "cotton candy clouds", and then autumn suddenly breaks everything from its roots.

I do however feel, that the last stanza gave a really abrupt ending to the poem and that there should have been more descriptions on the effects of the autumn evening.

All-in-all, this is a nice piece with great imagination and right context intact. I'm hoping to read more and keep the ink flowing.

Murtuza

I really liked the way that your engaged every sense in this poem. This is something that many poets somehow neglect -- they focus on touch, sound or sight.

I loved the whole tranquillity of the phrasing. The last stanza was good -- it pulled the strings of the bag shut and enclosed the poem on itself. The structure is good and suitable -- no need for a rigid format with this specific poem -- the words fall like leaves around you. The way you described things was so gentle and light -- many poems are in danger of becoming formless and mushy, but yours was well-stanzaed and yet dreamy.

Good job!

Hello, there! I'm really touched by your immagery in what seems like each of your stanzas. I like the way it just paints it's own picture in the reader's head. It takes me to different scenes, like in your one stanza, I'm in a forest and maybe the next, I'm in a field. It's truley a wonderful poem and I'm very intreigued by it. Write on, my friend, and forever be creative!