Young Writers Society

Life is a running race.
Sometimes the track is long,
Sometimes the track is short,
Sometimes the run is easy,
Sometimes the run is hard.

Occasionally there will be obstacles,
Or choices for you to make.
But never slow down your pace,
Because at the end there are your dreams.

Sometimes you’ll fall down,
But always get up again.
Sometimes your energy is drained away.
Pause for a breath, but always continue.

Your aim is to beat the rest,
To be the best,
To past the test,
But always bear one thing in mind.

Think about your competitors and,
Keep your eyes, on the prize.

This is a highly motivating poem! The rhyme that you used was great. I liked the fourth stanza, it followed a "bang bang bang crash" kind of pattern, which is good to see. If you gave the poem a beat or more rhymes, it would give it more speed and firmness, but if you want to keep it slightly misty and fluid, that is fine. It makes a striking piece of work! Keep going!

Hi Deanie,

This is a nice poem. My major issue with it is that it's not poem-y enough. Not to be vague or anything. I guess for me, your first stanza was fine--a little prosey but not overly so. But for me, your second stanza fell short in the poem department.

Occasionally there will be obstacles,
Or choices for you to make.
But never slow down your pace,
Because at the end there are your dreams.

The first two lines sound very much not like a poem. That's not a bad thing, they're nice lines. But in context, for me, they fall short. I would like there to be some sort of metaphor, simile, poetic device of some sort here to break the lines. Also, the last line of this stanza is a little awkward.

And so on and so forth. I won't go through the rest of the stanzas, but if I were you I would think through them in the context of this being a poem.

Save that aspect, I think that this is a really nice message. I like your language and style. It's very motivating (get off the computer and go do something useful, sarebear).

Thanks for the read!
sarebear