Young Writers Society

Hey everyone! This is just a totally random poem i wrote but i kinda like the sound of it. Anyways i am really happy to say I THINK I DIDN'T MESS UP ANYTHING GRAMMAR WISE! Which is kind a huge accomplishment for me and my severely dyslexic self. Anyways, just a side note... I really don't like the sound of the 4th stanza. But i dont know how to fix it. Please help! Well enjoy!!!!!


You are a Phantom it seems,
that saunters my dreams.
Wandering the lonely night,
we've lost all our light.

Snowflakes descend from the sky,
as I hear a muffled cry.
I watch her stride with effortless grace.
Tears fall from her pale face.

She walks with a single rose,
carrying all our woes.
Her silver hair shimmers and shines,
around her beautiful face that it entwines.

The gentle snow turns to a blizzard,
making my world quiver,
with sorrow and grief
that we use to believe.

A tears falls from her face
to find its place,
amongst a frozen river,
where it lies... forgotten... forever.

She drifts away from me,
dropping our rose as she
smilies and fades away.
Maybe I'll see you again, somehow, someday.

Our rose use to shine
with our love and beauty divine.
Now, our rose so red,
is wilted and dead.

TuckEr EllsworTh

Hey everyone! This is just a totally random poem i wrote but i kinda like the sound of it. Anyways i am really happy to say I THINK I DIDN'T MESS UP ANYTHING GRAMMAR WISE! Which is kind a huge accomplishment for me and my severely dyslexic self. Anyways, just a side note... I really don't like the sound of the 4th stanza. But i dont know how to fix it. Please help! Well enjoy!!!!!


You are a Phantom it seems,
that saunters my dreams.
Wandering the lonely night,
we've lost all our light.

Snowflakes descend from the sky,
as I hear a muffled cry.
I watch her stride with effortless grace.
Tears fall from her pale face.

She walks with a single rose,
carrying all our woes.
Her silver hair shimmers and shines,
around her beautiful face that it entwines.

The gentle snow turns to a blizzard,
making my world quiver,
with sorrow and grief
that we use to believe.

A tears falls from her face
to find its place,
amongst a frozen river,
where it lies... forgotten... forever.

She drifts away from me,
dropping our rose as she
smilies and fades away.
Maybe I'll see you again, somehow, someday.

Our rose use to shine
with our love and beauty divine.
Now, our rose so red,
is wilted and dead.

TuckEr EllsworTh

Hi there, my friend! <3

Just commenting to let you know that you become a better poet every day! Your punctuation looks great, as always it flows neatly, and you managed to bring us a good topic and you also word it in an original way. And nope, I didn't spot any grammar errors, and to me the fourth stanza sounds great. You're great! Keep it up and thanks for sharing your talent.

~Val

I like it. It has a pretty sound and a nice ring to it.

Is the 'You" in the first stanza the same as "she" in the others?

For the fourth stanza: It seems fine to me. Maybe "relief" to work in? "...in sorrow, lost relief"

Just a thought. Well done:)

Thanks for the awesome comments guys! And Val, really? you like it? Gag i hate it lol. And thand laminated, that's a good idea, i'll play around with the "relief" in that stanza. And yes the You refers to the she later on in the poem. Thanks so much guys!





TuckEr EllsworTh

'Elo there dogs

Now you have to know, I quit poetry a while ago and so I've kind of lost touch on how to review poems. But since I promised, I'll do what I can..really.

A tears falls from her face
to find its place,
amongst a frozen river,
where it lies... forgotten... forever.

Now this stanza, except for the error, is just lovely. It's like beautifully written and has great imagery. I read it and had a spontaneous smile. It's so effortlessly perfect. Good job.

Now the rest of the poem. I'll be honest, I'm kind of in the middle with this poem. Part of the reason why I'm not jumping up and down and declaring this a good poem is because there are some parts I felt like they were not a part of the poem. Like you'll start a new stanza and I've no idea how it relates to the previous. I felt that there are some parts left out to connect that easy and even flow. Also, some of the rhyming contributed to that factor I'm talking about. Sometimes it felt like trying to rhyme had taken your attention away from telling the story or getting it across.

I watch her stride with effortless grace.
Tears fall from her pale face.

These lines are an example of the broken flow that I'm talking about. I know the tense you're using is probably limiting but this could be

I watch her stride with effortless grace,
Astears fall from her pale face.

(Just a suggestion )

Either way, this is a really lovely idea. Again, you have set this poem with beautiful lines and the whole thing is really well thought out and written, regardless. I really like the rose idea and how you relate it to everything. (Now you see why I'm in the middle?)
This is also a great improvement from your earlier works, so keep up the good work.

Keep writing and good luck!

This poem grabbed me from the beginning,

Now, our rose so red,
is wilted and dead

this was my favorite line of the whole poem,
I think you should keep writing poetry like this.

I think it's awesome. It's really romantic-dramatic but not in that cheesy, awful way. It flows and it sounds really good when you read it out loud. You got some deep feelings there, without loading the poem with too much emotion.

"The gentle snow turns to a blizzard,
making my world quiver,
with sorrow and grief
that we use to believe."

I love that part.

If I say "Hey Dogs", it will sound like I am cursing you So yes, hey there!

You are a Phantom it seems,
that saunters my dreams.
Wandering the lonely night,
we've lost all our light.

The first stanza made me want to read more. Great job there, since I am a very lazy reader to be honest.

Snowflakes descend from the sky,
as I hear a muffled cry.
I watch her stride with effortless grace.
Tears fall from her pale face.

I think the last line is kind of incomplete. Also I prefer "Tears fall from her painful eyes"

She walks with a single rose,
carrying all our woes.
Her silver hair shimmers and shines,
around her beautiful face that it entwines.

This stanza is just wow!

The gentle snow turns to a blizzard,
making my world quiver,
with sorrow and grief
that we use to believe.

<< Isn't it supposed to be "used?"

What happened to the rhyming? It was going really well and boom, the rhyming stopped. But but, you still have my attention and yes, I did feel like reading more

A tears falls from her face << Tears fall *
to find its place,
amongst a frozen river,
where it lies... forgotten... forever.

Nicely done

She drifts away from me,
dropping our rose as she
smilies and fades away. << smiles*
Maybe I'll see you again, somehow, someday.

<< "her again" will sound better

Our rose use to shine << used*
with our love and beauty divine.
Now, our rose so red,
is wilted and dead.

The last line feels incomplete... This line came automatically as I was reading it "Oh look! It's wilted and dead"

I absolutely still love it
Stay safe <3

Thanks so much everyone! oh and fyi NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GRAMMATICAL ERROR AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sad day for tucker . (thats me in case you didn't notice lol) But thanks so much for the comments!



TuckEr EllsworTh