Young Writers Society

Green grass, blue sky, brown earth.
I am safe here, yes, I am safe.
But I see it out the corner of my eye:
A flash of white through the shadows,
a ghost that whispers, beckons--

I'm going to be late--

Too late.
You're too late.

A hole in the base of a rotting tree
sucks me in, swallows me, breathes.
I can feel something underneath me:
miles and miles deep in the darkness,
watching, waiting, tasting.

Something is breathing--

I'm falling forever,
Hanging from a dead tree.

Have a drop of poison tea,
leaving nothing but a smile in the dark.
Whispered words and shrieking songs:
we are all mad here.

Off with her head--

I really enjoyed this poem. Maybe it is because I am obsessed with Alice and Wonderland but I truly do think that it is well written. I am eager to see your future posts.

Cheers! Let's get to business, shall we. I'm on a phone, so it's tough to use references, but I'll try to be specific.

The imagination you offer to the reader is frankly colorful, I even have a feeling it is influenced by Asian mentality (And mind you, I'm from Asia). You offer interesting pictures, even though they are quite abstract or complex to imagine ( The interpretation will probably vary ). However, it was a bit rough to swallow your verses, I didn't really go with a set flow or rhythm, so I ended up reading it like prose. I think giving your poems better flow would enhance the magic of imagination and make it all the more worthy reader's attention and memory.

Good luck,
Shinda~

I liked the poem because it describes things
one thing I did notice was you wrote

Out the corner of my eye.

maybe putting and of between out and the so that it reads

out of the corner of my eye

this would just help it make a little but more sense to me, overall though it was great.