Young Writers Society

In my own world

floating and free.

Writing my own story

ever so gracefully.

Trampled and promiscuous

when I fell from a Grackle.

Unknown to the world

as I create my path.

Letting the wind take me

wherever it says to go.

Sporadically and quickly

then sometimes calm and slow.

But when the wind dies,

I die with it.

Then starting again

but this time with caution.

unsure of where I am

to go.

Wondering

where this should take me

and why I should go.

Finding new things

and never in a rut.

Following the wind,

wherever it goes.

Never being a rebel

too scared to dare.

Thinking of what the world thinks of me,

instead of what I think of it.

As I am too terrified

to find my own path.

I’m stuck with the wind.

Maybe to break away,

and maybe to stay.

I wish I was as before

floating and free.

Creating my own path,

ever so gracefully.

Strong words, and a nice flow to go with it. Very well done. I liked your use of interesting words eg. Sporadically, Promiscuous etc.

I did enjoy this, but if I were you, I'd put the lines into verses rather than paraphrasing each line, it can get a little confusing otherwise. But apart from that fantastic! Sorry for the very short review.

DNX :J

Hey Alice! Can i call you that? Cause it's close enough to your screen name lol. Anyways... Dogs here for your review. I really liked this piece, you made it flow really well when you threw in the rhyming. It has a lot of strong, imaginative words that create a strong picture in the readers head and the message you are trying to get across you portray it well. However, I think this poem is missing something... a little more UMPH. A little more PIZZAZ, you need to throw in some jazz hand!!! "ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHINNEEEEE" (billy elliot) sorry bad musical analogies.This poem is good, don't get me wrong, but i've read so many things just like it and it's like i can predict what is going to happen which takes the entire thrill out of reading it. Also i was confused on this line

"when i fell from a Grackle"

... whatttt? A grackle is a bird.... unless there is some context that i'm missing here i am thoroughly confused, this line doesn't really make sense. Sorry to say.

Also, when you do have plenty of great imaginative words you need more! I would suggest you take some of the common words you use and look them up in a thesauruses. Then choose a different word from the list, it has a stronger effect on the reader if you increase your vocab. Anyways thats all i have to say, Keep up the good work!!!!!


TuckEr EllsworTh

Yes, you can call me that(: lol
Thank you for your review, I knew it was missing something and I need help with it!
What I meant from "When I feel from a grackle" is I am a feather kind of just floating in the wind, not really knowing where life is going to take me and never really knowing what to do. The reason I chose the grackle is because it means "recovering from an emotional experience" and I've had a pretty hard childhood and I'm just trying to fix my life and in that I'm trying to figure out what life really has in store for me.

Hope that cleared things up(: