Young Writers Society

Hey so this poem is based off of a disney song (figure it out it's not really that hard lol) but it is really really really bad and it isn't my usual writing style so i think i kinda failed lol. Anyways, yes i did take a few lines from this song so i am NOT pladgerising (or however you spell it cause spell check dosn't know what i'm trying to say lol) most of this poem is mine. I worked really hard on making her normal lines 9, 8, 9, 10 and the muses lines to be 6, 8, 6, 8 Well anyways... Enjoy!

I thought my heart had learned its lesson,
from my terrible selection.
No man is worth the inconvenience.
Gotta find something with much more salience

[center)Who'd' ya think you're foolin'
He's the perfect person for ya!
Girl, this is so gruelin'
He's the earth and heaven to ya![/center]

No chance, no way, I've watched them all go.
He's just the same, all this I know.
But in the end he'll just run away.
I won't say I'm in love, it's to cliche.



Why can't you see I've just been defaced,
I just don't care, get off my case.
Too much pain I don't want to repeat.
But when he smiles my heart skips a beat.

OMFG! I HATE MY COMPUTER!!!!! I'm sooo sorry this poem is not complete and my computer being the piece of crap it is just threw it on the website. Sorry for the inconvenience, i will be posting the completed version shortly

Hey dogs! HPR here to review!

Firstly, it's spelt plagiarising. XD Lol. Okay, secondly, I love how you've based it on the song. However, you should put the lines from the song in italics so that it's understandable that you've taken only those lines from the song. I've heard the song, but I forgot it, cause I heard it a long time back. Also, I think you wanted the second stanza to be on the right side but it didn't work. Just check it again. You've written the code wrong. Anyway, that doesn't matter much. What I like is the fact that you've written this from a girl's point of view. When you're a guy. I've not seen a lot of guys who write for a girl's point of view, so, good job! You did a very good job of showing it, too. Also, you've written"you" as "ya" in a lot of places. I think, even though it's said that way, you should write it as "you". There were just two or three mistakes, sonI suggest you revise it once. As such, I didn't find any grammatical errors, so kudos to you! Besides that, it was a really good poem. I could understand the feelings of the girl, but that might be because I'm a girl myself. But, I could actually understand how upset she was and all that. So, really good poem! Oh, and one more thing. Just like the "ya" you've not written the g at the end of some words. Example:

Who'd'ya think you're foolin'

Write it as fooling. Even if it's pronounced that at, the spelling should still be correct. Okay, now, it's midnight and Inneed to sleep. Keep Writing!

~HPR thought it was awesome~