Young Writers Society

This was bound to happen
Departing for an important cause
And advancing in the world
Oh, how the world makes me feel

You have been a great friend
Any friend of mine is part of me
I expect your return in years to come

And you never know
We may be on the top of the world
In different ways
In many different patterns

Alas your departure is soon
And I expect to see you again
Keep in touch and feeling
Let the emotions sink in

It isn't all sad
I've still got you in memory
And that's fine by me

ajt!

Well, I am not usually the first poem to review works.. But I'll do the best I can XD

Well I could understand the theme of the poem... a friend departing with you and moving somewhere else. The poem was nice and it expressed your feelings well.

However there were no commas or full stops. But... I am no good with grammar so you will have to ask someone else to help you there! XD sorry!

Comparing this to your other poems I am going to be harsh and say it wasn't one of your best. The poem flows nice and everything but sometimes I felt like the verses were slightly disconnected from each other. I am sure you and others may disagree but thats my opinion!

All in all still a great poem!

Deanie x

Hey ajt!

I'm hereeee! To review. XD

So, I got the concept of your poem. It's really sad. A friend departing and going away. I can relate to it very well because it's happened to me a lot of times. Only difference is, I was the one who was leaving. But, yeah I really understood the feeling and the emotion behind it. *sigh* It made me a little sad, but it's a lot like how I used to feel when I left a place. Though, there was also a positive side to the poem, wasn't there? The last stanza was had a very positive way of looking at the situation.

Now, for the grammar part. Since Caramel wasn't able to tell you about the commas and full stops, I will!

This was bound to happen.
Departing for an important cause,
Aand advancing in the world.
Oh, how the world makes me feel.

You have been a great friend.
Any friend of mine is part of me,
and I expect your return in years to come.

And you never know,
We may be on the top of the world.
In different ways,
In many different patterns.

Alas, your departure is soon.
And But I expect to see you again.
Keep in touch and feeling. (This line didn't actually make a lot of sense. Or maybe it's just me. :/)
Let the emotions sink in.

It isn't all sad.
I've still got you in memory,
And that's fine by me.

Overall, I really liked the poem. Just one thing to say. When you write a poem, not every line needs to begin with a capital letter. Only if the previous line ends with a full stop, the next line begins with a capital letter. If it ends with a comma, the next line begins with a small letter. Other than that, great poem!

~HPR (or whatever it is that you call me)~

Hey Ajt! Dogs here with your review today!!!! I like this piece, it is short and you get your point across. But, compared to a lot of your other fantastic works. This one falls a little short, at least in my opinion. I feel like in this poem your lacking stronger emotion and stronger imagery (which is typically what i look for in the poems i read). This is the perfect piece for you to work your magic and writing something fantastic filled with strong emotion that can leave the reader in tears. In this piece you kinda just tell us what happens and how sad it is. It some of your other pieces you tell us what happens, how it makes you feel. You make the reader feel how you feel and that is what i think you are lacking here. more UMPH!

On a brighter note I LOVE YOUR LAST STANZA! That is the kind of writing i'm use to seeing come from you! I think this is great but you can make it amazing! Keep up the good work and i hope to see more from you ajt!!!


TuckEr EllsworTh