Young Writers Society

Hey guys, ya its been a while since I've been on. This is just to warm up so I can get back into the rythm of things. Tell me what you think.

I'm stuck at an impasse.
Two sides
Faced to one.

I could choose one
and keep the other....
Or choose the other
and loose one....

My thoughts don't quite sound right.
How could I consider the friend
The one I go to talk to when I need help?

And how could I consider the one who
I always go back to?
Is that what I want?

I try to clear my head but
the answer hides,
lost in the havoc of a receding thought.

I stand still,
Caught at a fork in the road.

Should I go to one or to the other?
....Or should I create a new road
right down the middle?

This is beautifully worded and the indecision you as the narrator are facing is running off these stanzas like rain on a leaf...so effortless, it sounds simply like a train of thought flawlessly put to words. Very well done. However, there is oooone spelling mistake in the second stanza:

and loose one....

"Loose" should be "lose".
I wouldn't be surprised if this was just a mindless typo. It just needed to be pointed out.

Beautiful grasp on language, I envy your fluency. Keep writing, you're very good at it!

Hello Amanda! I'm Rose, and I'll be reviewing this piece today!

First off, I'd just like to say that I adore this piece. It's exactly the kind of thing that I like to read; it's a little bit jumbled, but intentionally so, and I'm still able to find out what you're getting at. Great work! That being said, I did find a few issues with it.

I'm stuck at an impasse.
Two sides
Faced to one.

While I love the first line, I'm not really sure what the next two mean. I could very well just be missing something; my mind doesn't always grasp things the first time around. Still, it's how I feel.

I could choose one
and keep the other....
Or choose the other
and loose one....

Ellipses should be used sparingly in poetry. In my opinion, they're used far too much. Most of the time, a comma will suffice. If I were you, I would edit this in the following manner:

I could choose one
and keep the other,
or choose the other
and lose one.

I think that looks much cleaner.

My thoughts don't quite sound right.
How could I consider the friend
the one I go to talk to when I need help?

I try to clear my head, but
the answer hides,
lost in the havoc of a receding thought.

The above three lines are my favorite of the entire poem. They're absolutely beautiful. I love them!

I stand still,
caught at a fork in the road.

Should I go to one or to the other?
Or should I create a new road
right down the middle?

Great ending! (I eliminated the dots, though. I feel like they distracted from the awesomeness of the rest of the poem.)

Awesome work! Always keep writing!

-Rose

I love the whole poem in general but my favorite line was

My thoughts don't quite sound right

I don't know why, maybe it's because thoughts don't usually sound right until they are reworded in your head but it's a very nice poem. Keep up the good work.

Thanks guys ya...that was an accidental misspelling. My bad. I'll PM you guys when I have more time to explain the other things you pointed out. Thanks for the reviews. Adidos!