Young Writers Society

what a fool am I for busying myself
when I could be indulging in idle day-dreaming,
letting the sun’s whiskers tickle my naked arms,
allowing its paws to carry me onto Alice’s land.

what a fool am I for the fervor I feel
as your heart marauds about me like some feral fox
ready to leap onto mine; but naïve I am not,
for before you came my way, my beloved,
I saw into your wile.

I really like this poem. It has a nice flow and it sounds nice. I am confused as to the meaning of it. In the beginning it sounds like someone regretting not having more fun in life, but then it moves on to talking about love. I might just not be getting it. It sounds really good and is written really well!

I really like this poem. It has a nice flow and it sounds nice. I am confused as to the meaning of it. In the beginning it sounds like someone regretting not having more fun in life, but then it moves on to talking about love. I might just not be getting it. It sounds really good and is written really well!

Hey Mikko

Very interesting poem you have here. The ending made me smile, for isn't that kind of love great? This is an uplifting and calming poem, and you had some great imagery in there. At times, though, it was a little difficult to follow, and I think the punctuation contributed to that. You probably intended to leave out the normal punctuation for style, but that made following the poem's rhythm a bit hard for me.

What a fool am I for busying myself That lowercase "w" was intentional, wasn't it?
when I could be indulging in idle day-dreaming,
letting the sun’s whiskers tickle my naked arms,
allowing its paws to carry me onto Alice’s land? This whole line is being read like a question do to its beginning, "What." That is why it is confusing for the reader when this very long sentence ends in a period.

What a fool am I for the fervor I feel
as your heart marauds about me like some feral fox
ready to leap onto mine; but naïve I am not, A pause is desperately needed here to maintain some flow.
for before you came my way, my beloved,
I saw into your wile.

So there were flow issues and some punctuation issues, but overall, very nice poem.