Young Writers Society

I haven't conformed to the chains of rhyme in awhile... so this should be interesting.

Under My Skin

Sitting on the surface is a girl who wears a smile.
Her blue eyes outlined in black,
But they pour out the soul of a child.
Boy’s sneakers strapped to her feet,
Skinny jeans clutching her skin,
A mouth that argues and can’t be beat,
But upon her lips always sits a grin,
Despite the horrors that lay within.

Under my skin is a rebellious beast,
Only at my worst is the demon released.
A disturbing cluster of obsessive thoughts,
For a lifetime against them I’ve fought.
A mile long list of the diseases that wreak havoc in my mind,
A date with death would be gladly accepted,
Skipping along the pathway to hell, our hands intertwined,
But these awful thoughts are always intercepted,
By a reminder of those I would have to leave behind.

In the deepest sectors of my heart ,
You would find a weeping child.
One who’s life was torn apart,
And doomed to live in exile.

Her cries are soft and gentle,
Her voice is sweet and low.
Her eyes are black as midnight,
Her heart as cold as snow.
She sings of misery in endless lullabies,
She is my wandering soul.

This is awesome. I wanted to sing it out as I read it. Not only did it make sense and I can relate to it, but it also rhymes which gives the poem its flow while reading. I loved it, keep writing more fantastic poems. I'm more than happy to read them.

Hey Insanity! Dogs here with your review for the day! Alrightyyyy! So this poem is excellent. Absolutely excellent. I really love how you don't have a set rhyming scheme and how you just throw it in everywhere. That can be a huge risk to take and very difficult to pull off but you did it very well! Fantastic imagery and fantastic description and amazing emotion! To mix all those in one poem takes skill! I KNEW YOU HAD IT HIDDEN IN YOU! This is another huge step up from your last poem!!!!

I really don't have much of anything to critique except that some of the lines are a little long for my tastes but nothing big at all. So all and all this is excellent! The last stanza is amazing and I loved it! Keep up the good work!!!!!!!!!!!




xoxoxoxoxoxox TuckEr EllsworTh

I like this poem. I like how it transitions to different parts, what you see, what's just under the surface, and what's deep inside. I can relate to this poem, and being able to connect to it more makes me like it more. This poem makes me feel.........doleful. I see no spelling errors. Also, my favorite part is the last one, how it starts with her, and she, great use of anaphora!

holy crap all i can say is this is awesome. it all flowed poetry and all the rhymes..magnificent. there were some rhymes I looked back on and just thought 'how did she find that perfect of a word to rhyme with that other word' it really looks like it took quite a bit of time to write and i think it's awesome.