Young Writers Society

It's like the stars are missing, Mitch
From this moonless starlit sky
Their light still shines like a normal night
But all the beauty's gone.

It's like the wind still blows, Mitch
But the leaves they cease to rustle
It's just cold air and noiseless numb
Muted, soundless, muffled.

It's like the heat is missing, Mitch
From the glowing, burning sun
The world's still bright and the sky's alight
But absent is the warmth.

My whole world's collapsed, Mitch
Collapsed now that you're gone
I knew I'd miss you dearly, Mitch
But not this much at all.

If I could do things over, Mitch
I swear to God I would
But time travel's impossible, Mitch
I'd change it if I could.

It's like a piece is missing, Mitch
Missing from my very soul
That piece belongs to you, Mitch
Only you can make me whole.

Oh, sooo sweet. I like how you think of the person, lines were good and striking.
Keep it up friend!
I wish the best for you and your friend, Mitch!

This is amazing! One thing though, you have some rhyme starting in the second stanza but it's absent in the first. If you're going to rhyme, rhyme everywhere. Other than that, great job!

I actually really liked this, and the repetition of "Mitch" worked well

AmiiLightwood wrote:If I could do things over, Mitch
I swear to God I would
But time travel's impossible, Mitch
I'd change it if I could.

It's like a piece is missing, Mitch
Missing from my very soul
That piece belongs to you, Mitch
Only you can make me whole.

You rhymed in these last two stanzas, but not so much in the first few? This was a little confusing and took away from the flow of the poem. I would either change these so they no longer rhyme and the entire poem is free verse, or try to make the others rhyme. It just make it seem a little clumpy and not together.
Keep writing!

love it, conpletely magical