Young Writers Society

Dear Santa,
this year I'd like to ask for one thing.
It may seem small to others, or insignificant too..
but I'd like a boyfriend- but not for the status.

I want someone to cuddle with during cold nights,
someone to share a smile and laugh with,
someone who I know I'll spend the rest of my life with.

I don't want to rely on my best friend,
for the romance- since she won't be able to provide that.
I want a man, a man who will be there,
for me during good times and bad.

Who sees me for who I truly am,
but loves me all the same.
Someone to enjoy the simple pleasures of life with,
laughing when we do something idiotic,
not giving a care in the world about what others think.

I just want one thing this Christmas, Santa.
Please grant me this one simple wish.
It will be all I ever need in this world.

Hey Duck! Dogs here with your review today! I love your avatar lol! Sooo entertaining! Anywho! This is a good poem, a simple idea and very unique topic. Now really a little nit pick I have is that this is really more of a short story then a poem, there is a very fine line between those two things and this seems more like a short story written in poem format. Which doesn't always turn out so well. So the big thing that this poem is really missing is imagery, emotion, and description. Those three things are absolutely essential to a good poem.

So building off of that this poem is about looking for a loved one or in this case a boy friend. That by default has to have emotion and you have to write in an emotional style. Therefore in any and every emotional writing style it is your job as the writer to make the reader feel what you are feeling in the poem. Talk about how you feel alone, hollow, sitting lonely while staring at the fiery embers as they spark. That is one big thing that you are missing.

Another is the imagery, you have to paint an image inside the readers head. Make the reader see what you are seeing, so perhaps make the reader see you alone on the couch staring at the fire, make the reader see how sad you are. That is your task in writing this style of poem.

Furthermore you use a lot of simple, old, and overused words that I read day after day in poems every time. If you want your work to carry more power and emotion and imagery you have to broaden your vocabulary. If you are having troubles doing this I suggest you look up some of these boring words in a thesauruses. I do it in all of my poems and it helps a lot.

Thats all i really have to say. This poem has lots of potential to be great. Keep up the good work!!!

TuckEr EllsworTh

You did a great job! Dogs said pretty much everything I had in mind, so take his advice! Everything dogs siad is true (even the a part about your avatar being entretaining!). Keep up the good work
lili