Young Writers Society

And a tree in town square.
Not a snowflake insight.
Except out a can.

Palm Trees with twinkling lights
Line the road
Through Marysville.

Frost on the ground
Gone by noon.
No Turtles doves
Just sparrows
And Hawks
That like to watch you.

Every year its the same.
the "Blondes" tanning
in the cold.

It isn't exactly traditional
But is what we have
What we know.

I love my California Christmas

And a tree in town square.
Not a snowflake insight.
Except out a can.

-I don't feel that this stanza should start with And.

Palm Trees with twinkling lights
Line the road
Through Marysville.

-I like this stanza! It really sets the feel for a west coast Christmas!

Frost on the ground
Gone by noon.
No Turtles doves
Just sparrows
And Hawks
That like to watch you.

-I think in the third line of this stanza, it should be turtle doves.


Every year its the same.
the "Blondes" tanning
in the cold.

- In the first line you used its the wrong way, probably just a typo. Its is used to show possession, it's is a contraction for it is.

It isn't exactly traditional
But is what we have
What we know.

I love my California Christmas

-I really liked this poem! It was descriptive and to the point. I've never been to the west coast, but now I feel like I know what a west coast Christmas is like. You kept good rhythm and painted a clear picture.

-I'm not sure what the last line of the first stanza means. In a few of the lines, you use punctuation, but you don't in others. Make an edit and decide if you want punctuation or not. It doesn't matter either way, but if part of it has punctuation, it all has to.

-Good job! Keep up the good work, and remember that no story is ever finished. I suggest you read some Robert Frost, if you don't already. He's probably my favorite poet, and your rhythm and style make me think of him.

Hey, Dasia!

This is quite an amusing yet factual poem. It's always the same in places like this. Christmas is often pictured around snow-covered houses and snow-men and all sorts of winter related goodness. But in places like California and India, it's just another sunny day with just the Christmas spirit in the air.

And being a proud Californian you've taken pride in the seemingly unorthodox tradition which Christmas brings to your hometown.

The description about everything from the sun-tanning blondes to the hawk and eagle infested skies is quite well derived.

And a tree in town square

I agree with Shino above me. The 'And' looks particularly out of place and I'm like, 'whoa, where did that come from?' Adding that word at the very beginning gives an unwanted continuity. From where have you derived the line if you're using 'And'? However, if you had that implemented in dialogue, it would have been more suitable is function.

Also, you say -

Not a snowflake in sight

but then again, you say -

Frost on the ground
Gone by noon.

So if there was no snow to begin with, where did the frost come from? Maybe it's just my mind that's confusing me. But nevertheless the intent of the Frost being there isn't fully understood with regard to its occurance.

I feel like you could have missed a few chances in making this a more parodical piece than a sort of patriotic ode. The irony of Christmas being celebrated in such a non-Christmas-y place could have been highly capitalised.

Nevertheless, this was a nice piece and a decent effort at showing that despite whatever the state, no matter how un-optimized, Christmas will still be Christmas.

Thanks for sharing this poem. And keep the ink flowing!

Murtuza