Young Writers Society

Hi there! A nice, neat poem. Really detailed descriptions with a great choice of words. But it's a little ironic and confusing how you loved him so much but you wished you've never had him. I guess that's the beauty of poetry huh

And a laugh like liquid chocoolate.

A teeny tiny typo error (haha, cute alliteration) in the chocolate. And why did you choose the phrase "liquid chocolate"? It's a little different from moonbeam and sun etc. But that's totally up to you if you don't want to change it cuz it sounds quite alright actually.

So that's about it. Keep up the good work!

This was a very nice poem, I enjoyed the beginning of it the most, keep working.

Before I die, let me give you a Quick Critique! It has been a while since I give a review, so please don't mind the topsy-turvy effects!

Concept & Theme:
Okay, so you wanted to talk to these person about what he did, you did and the consequences of those deeds, right? And you have to do it before you die. Well, everyone tends to do these commitments when they're heartbroken right? Or is it when brokenhearted? Whatever it is, the piece affected me as a love-bound person myself!

Technicalities:
Let's see here:

Before I die, The repetition of verses gives extra effect
Before I leave you, Don't capitalize!
Before my bones turn to dust,
I want to say, I wish I never loved you
You, with your chestnut hair,
And eyes like the sun,
A smile like a moonbeam, Exclude 'a' because moonbeam is a mass noun
And a laugh like liquid chocoolate. Too technical, use deeper, more sensible words for poetic effect; chocoolate?
Before I die,
Before I leave you,
Before my bones turn to dust,
I want to say, I wish I never met you
You, with a voice like a river flowing, Interchange the structure
And your temper like the devil's.
Sadness couldn't touch you,
And joy, I'm sure, was your lover. I simply love figurative speech!
Before I die,
Before I leave you,
Before my bones turn to dust,
I want to say, I wish I never kissed you.
You, with your lips like cashmere,
And a touch like a summer breeze. Beautiful imagery!
You caressed me with your love,
Consuming me with your passion.
Before I die,
Before I leave you,
Before my bones turn to dust,
I want to ask you,
Why did you ever love me? Great tie-up

Content:
I love the message of your poem, but I think I'm not that comfortable with the word choice, like the 'liquid' part, too technical. The more imaginative and creative the words are, the better. The word structure is enough for me.

Overall:
I like your piece. Affecting and affected. But you need more 'oomph' factor to make it better. It needs better word choice and a dash of imagery to be the perfect poem. Great work! Just a little more!

You're Quick Critic,
Al