Young Writers Society

In the dream my eyes were closed
And still I could begin to see
The truth in life – unveiled –
A great catastrophe.

So great, - so powerful – I couldn’t stop,
As I watched it all unfold –
You left as I woke from dreaming,
And then I couldn’t see.

I loved this poem, it was short, but to the point and it made sense. I just don't understand why you used dashes instead of comas, that's the only thing that didn't make much sense to me.

The truth in life – unveiled

That was my favorite part of the whole poem, good job.
Keep at it.

Hi, Pony!

I liked the rhyme in the first stanza. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but somehow it felt very appropriate in this kind of poem. However, I would've liked to see it in the second stanza as well -- if not anything else, for consistency.

You seem to be a bit confused with your punctuation. You use a lot of dashes which make this seem choppy in places it's not supposed to. I mean to say that dashes are great for creating "natural" pauses in poetry for example at the end of the lines, like you did with the second line of the second stanza. You've sprinkled them elsewhere, too, and I'm not sure why -- for example, in this line:

So great, - so powerful – I couldn’t stop,

they seem out of place, especially since you also use commas. I'd suggest sticking to either or (in this case commas in my opinion).

One thing to remember when writing short poems is to make every single word count. This applies to longer poems as well, of course, but especially short ones. With poems you have so little time and space to say what you want to say that there shouldn't be anything extra in it. This is something for you to consider -- do you think you have some things in your poem that aren't absolutely necessary, and if so, what could you do to them?

I hope this helped you at least a bit, and please PM me if you have any questions


Demeter
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