Young Writers Society

Hate gives me strength
Love takes it away
So hate me more, love me less
stab a knife in my chest

I don't know my own deal
all I know is this pain is real
but with this life comes regret
so look at me and don't forget

My hands are shaking
my body is aching
but through this dust, through this night
all I see is you blinding light

It is right here I change
my life will never be the same
I know I'd rather be weak than strong
so love me more, hate me less
and pull this knife out of my chest

Hi
First of all, I love the idea behind this. It's very relatable and readers will be able to sympathise with it. Your rhyme scheme is constant, which is good, but you stopped capitalising your letters at the beginning of each line part way through the first stanza. I'd either choose constant capitalisation, or no capitalisation (excapt for the first of each stanza, those you want to capitalise).

It is right here I change
my life will never be the same
I know I'd rather be weak than strong
so love me more, hate me less
and pull this knife out of my chest

I'll go right out and say that this is my favourite stanza of them all. I like the decision behind it.

I think that the flow needs a little bit of work - it just doesn't roll off the tongue quite as smoothly as it could, and it's important that it does.

I don't know if it's just me, but I find the second stanza a little confusing, the first line especially. But I'm blonde, so I may just be missing something ridiculously obvious.

You might have missed an 'r' in the fourth line of the third stanza, too.

Overall, a nice poem, great topic and I love your wording. Good work!