Young Writers Society

This world is on fire
Slowly running out of life
Where success is dire
for me there is no light

However hot, however cold
my being with you
is worth more than silver or gold
and there is nothing i would rather do
than watch this world burn with you

But whenever you go
my heart again turns to stone
I hate to have to let you go
for when you go you take my soul
~Logan

I thought it had a great rythm in the first stanza which you kind of lost in the second two. My favorite part would probably be the first stanza or the second stanza's first line, though I think it would have a better flow if you took silver out and just had it "is worth more than gold", but that's just my opinion, and if you did that you'd have to do some reworking with the last stanza, which you might have to do anyways since it feels kind of wordy around the second and third lines (mostly the second.) The first stanza is really interesting and defintely intriguing which I know is hard with poems, so good job with that. Hope this helps!

Yeah i was going to edit it after i posted