Young Writers Society

Free verse


What is freedom?
Is it the ability to speak?
To think
To breathe without burden?

Can it be more than your obvious sort?
When this is asked to a child an answer would come as a
Freedom from jail
Law, oppression, and rules.

Much like our writings freedom is diverse,
Unique,
Untouchable,
Blissful.

Peace, freedom, liberty, and diversity,
These four words describe inspiration itself
Without them poetry, cooking, songs, art, all of this would mean, Nothing.


Free verse utilizes all of these to their full potential,
Painting pictures and making new discoveries
Breaking rules and the regular writers train of thought
What you get is a new type of poem,
A hybrid
A free verse.

This is my first time writing a free verse! Let me know what you think and were I can improve !

Speakerskat,

I like the thought process behind this piece, I can quite vividly see your ideas and you state them quite clearly. But that's what this becomes - stated ideas. I have nothing against ideas, I love ideas. But ideas are not poetry. This reads in the way that an essay should read - someone who is exploring through their thoughts and making a discovery by the end - which is all great, but once again, not poetry.

Poetry dwells on the experience. When you go to see a film about love - you do not go to hear about a thesis, main point, or lecture about how love is empowering. You go see a film to escape. You're immersed in the setting, you feel for the characters, you're involved in the plot - trying to figure out what's going to happen next. Film is the language of the moving image. Poetry is the same way - the language of words turned to images.

I feel like the first two-stanzas are like a long unnecessary prologue or introduction. I like the third stanza, and I actually think it can start the piece.

Much like our writingscomma freedom is diverse,
Unique,
Untouchable,
Blissful.

Now, I have questions for you. What is diverse? What is unique? What is untouchable? What is blissful?

Is diverseness the checkered faces you see crammed to the glass of a moving New York City train?

Is uniqueness the chocolatey, peppermint smell of a lover's breath? Or the husky, spicy-sweet jazz sound of a friend's voice?

Is untouchable the danger of an open flame? Or is it more like the wind? Always escaping one's grasp?

If your aim is to preach, then this poem does it's job. But if you want to create an experience, then you must work with images. When you use words like "diverse", "freedom", "untouchable" - what you are using are abstractions. These words do not create images, because they are not concrete. They are away from one's experience. We experience the world through our senses. Work with sensory details. Sight. Smell. Sound. Touch. Taste.

Now. I'm being tough. This is your first time writing a free-verse and I applaud you for going for it. It's not I did not enjoy this, it's just that it could be so much more. Good luck, and keep writing.

~ as always, Audy

Thank you for the advice, next time i'll try what you said. I have to agree though, now that someone has mentioned it... it is a bit...bland and long. I just have a hard time writing poetry without rhyming, so this whole thing is new to me and it's still a work in progress.

Thanks