Young Writers Society

I was battling myself to figure out if this was a song or a poem, but in the end I decided since I didn't have a beat for it and it didn't sound very flowly as a song would I'm claiming it as a poem. This poem is very personal to me, although I may not be giving this person enough credit so I'm going to pretend it's not personal to me.



I’ve heard them for as long as I can remember
I dreamed of being held in your arms so tender
You tell me everyday
I know things don’t always go my way
I know you mean well,
And you don’t mean to make me feel as if I’m in jail

But this isn’t a game
Those words shouldn’t be taken lightly
I was born the way I am
This will never mend
I just wanted what everyone else had
Why does that make me bad?

You repeat them over and over again,
Hoping someday I’ll bend
But I can’t help but feel this is all for pretend
I feel you’re putting on a show,
Because what you say and what you do never seem to flow
Perhaps somewhere deep down you truly do
You keep repeating those empty words,
“I love you”

Some days I want to cry the night away
Not even my writing can convey
I can’t help but wonder, why life is the way it is
I can’t help but feel no matter how hard I try,
I always hit and miss

But there’s always someone who cares about me
There’s always someone who knows all I can be
I can dream about my life being perfect all I wish,
But no matter what I will always hit and miss

You repeat them over and over again,
Hoping someday I’ll bend
But I can’t help but feel this is all for pretend
I feel you’re putting on a show,
Because what you say and what you do never seem to flow
Perhaps somewhere deep down you truly do
You keep repeating those empty words,
“I love you”

My family isn’t perfect,
But we all look through that
I’ve learned to accept the fact,
My family will not always be the way I wanted
I’ve learned our family ties will always be knotted
I’ve accepted my life is harder than others,
But I could never imagine another

I know I have someone who will always be on my side
I know I have someone who will be with my for this ride
My family is all I could ever ask for and more
Love isn’t said, rather shown
Ask me to say those empty words and I’ll look at you like you’re crazy,
But you can always count on me being there for you, no matter how lazy

You repeat them over and over again,
Hoping someday I’ll bend
But I can’t help but feel this is all for pretend
I feel you’re putting on a show,
Because what you say and what you do never seem to flow
Perhaps somewhere deep down you truly do
You keep repeating those empty words,
“I love you”

Those words don’t mean everything
Love doesn’t need a reason,
Love doesn’t need time
Love is always there,
No matter what the crime

Hi stargazer

You know, you have a very nice piece her. I really, really loved it.

I loved it when you said:

Ask me to say those empty words and I’ll look at you like you’re crazy,
But you can always count on me being there for you, no matter how lazy

it is the same to me; I may not say the words, but I would do whatever I can for the people I love.

I'm not good at criticism, so I'm not going to criticize it.
You did a very good work. Keep going.

stargazer,
I really admire this peice, but I also have alot of constructive criticism. I think that the time you spent on this was not wasted, but I would suggest you put in a fwe more minutes
First off, your use of poetry was akward and at points your rhythm was off and it didn't flow well. You kept on changing the rhyme pattern so each stanza was different and I didn't really like that.
Next, your use of some vocabulary was strange at points. The use of the word "jail in the first stana made sense but was a little weird sounding. I understand how hard it is to write poetry sometimes and find a word that rhymes but I think also that you could have done better here.
Please don't takr these the wrong way, I love your poem and the message is clear and it really is wonderful, you have the gem it just needs polishing