Young Writers Society

Somnium in Latin means 'dream'.
Not as expressive as my other poems but it’s been a while since I wrote something.
I'd like to add another thing here, if you can then listen to this 'instrumental' while reading the poem (I was doing the same while writing this) as it adds to the overall mood of the poem.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCRXV9lZ ... re=related

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This is what I feel. This is what I live. This is what I endure.
This is what I dream.

Head raised to the heavens, out of grief he cried
Head raised to the heavens, out of joy he cried
Smiling a jesters smile
Out of hope, out of despair, knowing not what to do, evermore he cried.

Lost in Chronos’ visions of yore, he beheld petals falling
Lost in Apollo’s song of yore, he heard a voice calling
Dreaming a dream
Lost in his mind’s maze, this marauder keeps on walking.
Drowning into oblivion, a time of madness he recalled
Drowning into grief, a time bliss he recalled
Dreaming a dream
Lost evermore, he who is doomed to tread until he falls.

Head raised to the heavens, ever out of grief he cries
Head raised to the heavens, ever out of joy he cries
Smiling evermore a jesters smile
Out of hope, out of despair, knowing not what to do, evermore he cries.

"I dream of a genie of light brown hair." Well, that's what I can say about dreams. Here's what I can say for your poem , Somnium. Here's Al for a Quick Critique!

Concept & Theme:
Obviously, your main theme is about dreams. You also mentioned characters from Mythology and words of Greek and Latin origin, suggesting a ancient concept. The mix of these ideas really turn out great.

Technicalities:
You made no grammatical or sensible mistakes or anything, so kudos to that! Great work! Although, in opinion, it's quite hard to find out the meaning of the poem. It had the qualities of lyric poetry and narrative, but it's hard to find the sense in it. I did find out, but much later.
This must concern how clear you present your poem. Always remember to affix verses with others which makes a coherent result. Ordering your lines properly can give a better view of what's happening and makes your emotion be felt more.

Imagery:
I must say, it's colorful on its own. Imagination run through it. But adding figurative speech into it can make it more fun to read and show's your creativity. The scene was great, just remember to add some more words that can truly express your thoughts, this is lyric poetry, is it not?

Scheme:
I saw no apparent rhyming scheme here or meters. Free verse? There are some scattered rhymes though, making your scheme confusing. By a bit.

Overall:
A true of work of art! Artistic and beautiful. A surreal dream, it was. Just some added touches and last-minute add-ups can make it one of the best!

Thanks for a great read!

Your Quick critic,
Al