z

Young Writers Society


The Demon Dream



Random avatar


Gender: None specified
Points: 300
Reviews: 0
Thu Jan 26, 2012 1:16 am
ChrisOB1991 says...



She's the demon in my dreams,The one that seems so far,The one I feel I have to meet to find out who you are,Your eyes so blue so ocean clear,what I would only give to have you near,if only you appeared in front of my face you could close this gap and fill this space never before have I felt so certain that I have so badly wanted one person I know your out there and I know you're real I'll find you someday and your touch I will feel.
  





User avatar
308 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 25520
Reviews: 308
Fri Jan 27, 2012 11:58 pm
AlfredSymon says...



Hello! Alfred here for a comment on your post!

First and most important of all, I think you got this post wrong, kind sir. This is for poetry. And your work is technically not exactly poetry. It's more of a short story (a very very short one; it's possible). And you didn't actually put any quality of a poem into it, so it's clearly not one. Better put it somewhere else! Or better, edit it to make a story or an essay.

But I would like to tell you that it is a very good read! The words are precious and wonderful! It is possible to be edited to a poem. Just meter it, divide it into verses, shorten or lengthen each as long as you hide the thoughts you want to imply in figurative speech, then it's done!

Good luck writing, I hope this helps!

Your pal,
Al
Need some feed? Then read some! Take a look at today's Squills at In the News.

The Tatterdemalion takes a tattle!

"Stories are like yarn; just hold on to the tip and let the ball roll away"
  





User avatar
121 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 113
Reviews: 121
Sat Jan 28, 2012 2:50 pm
SakuraFallsSweetly♥ says...



Hello! I would have to disagree with the comment above ^^

I think this is poetry, and you know that. :P

Very lyrical poetry, and maybe just space it out a little to show the rhythm a bit more.

But anyways, I loved this. It's pretty catchy to read and all that. I love the rhyming :D It doesn't matter that it's short, poetry doesn't have to be long and I'm guessing these are lyrics and not stanzas. All the more reason to keep it short and straight to the point.

I don't really have anything else to say, it's really good. :)
The only true failure, is when you give up. ♥
  








It doesn’t smell old, it just smells like a bad idea.
— James Hoffman