Young Writers Society

These are my feelings.
That is my answer.
Please no harsh dealings.
Don't spear like a lancer.

I have my heart for you.
I trust you above all.
No more will I be blue.
Don't let me fall.

I thought this was pretty good. However, you might consider changing "have" in the fifth line to "hold" and rearranging the seventh line to "No more blue I will be" to give it a more poetic tilt to it.

Overall, you have a good rhythym going here that stays fairly consistent throughout and the rhyming itself seems natural. Very nice job.

I really enjoyed this poem - my only major criticism is that its too short! LOL But the ending is well done, very sharp and pointed - kind of like a lance hehe.

"These are my feelings.
That is my answer.
Please no harsh dealings.
Don't spear like a lancer."

I like the first two lines of this stanza - they are confusing, but intentionally so, and I like the way you get straight to the point (God, sorry, I dont know where all these puns are coming from). The third and forth lines feel a bit contrived though...I particularly didnt like lancer, it just didnt seem to fit, although I understand how needing a rhyme can make a poet desperate LOL. I'd change those two though - keep the ideas, just the words dont work.

"I have my heart for you.
I trust you above all.
No more will I be blue.
Don't let me fall."

I agree with Nate, "have" should be "hold" - it makes more sense. Other than that, I really like this stanza though. Particularly the end, as I already pointed out (ack, there I go again). I like the whole sentiment behind the poem, I can really relate to going out on a limb so to speak and hoping someone will hold you up...Good job.

Thanks guys I was thinking the same but just couldnt get it!!

Same thing everyone above me already said, and my congrats on writing a great poem!

Hmm...interesting poem....however, I think the following should be changed:

"No more will I be blue."

to

"No longer I'll be blue."