Hello, LJM! Here to review this story~
This was certainly chilling and in this piece you've managed to create a very eerie atmosphere to everything, which is great! It really leaves a haunting vibe, I thought that it was pretty well written and everything flowed quite well too . For a certainly SHORT story, this was good, I'd like to see more of it though!
After losing her mother at such a young age, Autumn had come to appreciate life.
Show vs tell. Rather than saying she had come to appreciate life, show it. I know this might be a bit hard because it's a short story, but maybe talk about her life and maybe some crazy experiences she's been on after her mother passed away.
Okay so the majority of this was well written, but I think a lot of the sentences did start with 'she' and that starts to make it a bit boring to read when it's repeated like that. In any case really, repetition can get quite boring, unfortunately it's especially in prose too. So try and start your sentences with something different, so that it's not all she she she. This will vary your sentences quite a bit and give more opportunities to use some different language.
After depositing her helmet on the seat she adjusted the bag on her back and began the walk through the gravestone-littered field to her mother's plot.
This bit seemed rather cold-hearted, like she doesn't care about the other gravestones in the cemetery, but then she goes on to talk about how she remembers all the names. It's a bit contradicting.
Something I'd like to see more of id a description of the grave yard, before she encounters the strange woman. I mean, a graveyard would be quite a cool thing to describe, obviously it's not a nice place ;_; but I can imagine some really lovely yet eerie, chilling descriptions being put here. It will set the scene and build up an atmosphere even more.
I don't think that her reaction to this strange woman talking to her was big enough. I mean, this is a woman she doesn't know and she still ends up talking to her. I think you could have two options here. One being that she completely freaks out and doesn't even bother to give the woman a chance (less likely), or actually listens to the woman.. I mean the woman knew her mum right, and I think she'd like to know as much about her mum's death as possible.
Lastly,
Crashing into a deer on a motorcycle was not a good idea.
I'm not too keen on this sentence because it just seems like you're stating the obvious a bit.
All in all, this was a really good story with a chilling end! As it's rather short, I'd like to see some more descriptions of things such as the graveyard and the old woman- who happens to look like the MC- WAIT. Ooh, I see what you did there, or not. See your story just has so many levels! I hope this review helped, please PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review on anything.
Just keep writing!
-Arc x
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Reviews: 532
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