Young Writers Society

Great job the imagery is incredible.
I am curious as why a belly button is a black abyss? It sort of gives me a creepy image.
I have a couple suggestions regarding the lines that are not indented. They really stand out from the others so I feel you need to take extra care in choosing those words especially 'time stands' Its a nice phrase but it has notably less syllables than the others.
I like the effect of the stanzas getting smaller, indicating more hurried thoughts.

You need to watch your punctuation and capital letters. This part confused me as to where the line ended, if it was a line-break or not.

clutching flame
Sharing oxygen

Hello KLovelace! Scarlett here to review you poetry this afternoon. ^^

Oh, wow. Just wow. Not this is how you do poetry. Klovelace, you are awesome. I sense a new YWS poet in the making! You'll be famous with a few more like this. <3

I don't know if I can do anything here, it's just so good. Like ohmygod good. So I'll stick to all the things you've done right. Like rhyming; rhyming is good is some place, but not every single line. You haven't really done that here, so that's a very good thing. You've also kept it short; that works for some people and not for others. Here, it works. I also love the way you've set it out. It's awesome. <3 Long can work, too, but here, short is good. ^^

I love the flow here, it's brilliant and it's just so easy to follow. This is awesome. I like how you've divided this into three sections, just by moving certain sections over a little, indenting them. That is a cool idea, and it works so very well here.

Now, I don't really have anything else to say. Your flow is brilliant, it's simple but has so much more than some poems I've seen, and I don't think that anything else needs improvement. At all. In fact, there's not much I can really comment and crit here, either. I do agree with the others. How does Midas come into this? But then I was thinking, isn't the idea of someone being Midas to you a bit like being "gold", something precious? Let me know if I'm totally off on that, though!

Thanks for the lovely poetry, Klovelace! I hope this review helps, somehow. ^^

Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!

~Scarli. <3

Hello! Iggy here to review.

First off, nice font! I haven't tested out the new submission forum yet, so this is pretty cool. *-*

Second, I agree with niteowl on this. Midas? I don't get how he fits into this. He was a greedy king who turned everything to gold, even his child. Does the narrator want to turn his/her love to gold? Are you referring to a different reference of amidas? If so, the reader will need more explanation on this, since they will automatically assume you mean King Midas of the Golden Touch.

Third, this was well written! I' m not a poet, so I don't know anything about poetry, but I felt this flowed nicely and it had beautiful imagery. Ome nitpick was "Laying together under this sheet" because it is longer than all of the other sentences and I feel like it is a human standing out in a clan of midgets.maybe try and shorten a bit? Just a suggestion, of course!

Overall, nice job and keep writing!

~ Iggy.

Wow I have to admit right from the beginning I get so much visualization. It really gets me thinking about someone in my life..

Hi there KLovelace! I don't think I've officially welcomed you yet, so welcome! Now, on to the piece.

I love the beginning images. They express this idea of romance so well. I especially liked the line "Breath skims my spine".

However, these lines confuse me:

yours is better than mine
you are my Midas