A puddle left over from the rain
is the same
as if you were looking into a transparent mirror
Your reflection stares back at you
with a hint of a smile playing on your face
Opposite you someone else joins the game
then another, and another
Of course these are all perfect strangers
And when you look up they've all but disappeared
until you look down again and then they're there,
waving back at you
You wonder if this is real
when you climb through
and accompany the crew
on the other side
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
hey there! Cailey here for a short review.
Sorry I can't give you quite as long and thorough a review as I've been trying to give everyone. I'm all about reviewed out, but I wanted to get in one more.
I really like this. It's short and sweet and opens the way to imagination. I love the idea behind it, and you did a fantastic job of expressing that idea.
I could easily picture myself looking into the pool. I could also easily see this turning in to a short story- so if you ever feel inspired I think this is definitely story material.
I didn't find much to complain about, but you did seem a little sporadic on where you put punctuation. Is there a reason you have some commas in some places? I'd say either take out all the punctuation or put more in where it should go.
(Preferably I would say put in more punctuation- since I think it's a lot easier to read if all the commas and periods are where they should be.)
I think that's all. Let me know if you need anything or have questions or comments or anything. This was great, keep up the good work and keep on writing!
I purposely put those commas there; it made sense in my criteria at least. But thanks for the positive critique.
You're welcome. And if you had a purpose then don't let me stop you!
This is nice. I found it very calming. I always like shorter poems because I feel that it's better to leave a quick impact, which you've done rather well here. I like the occasional rhymes that you've used - they add to the rhythm well without making it sound corny or clichéd.
I really like this line. It's a nice detail.
I also like the theme of the poem. It's very relatable - we've all stared into puddles as kids like they were mirrors.
My only bit of advice would be to perhaps add some more punctuation to the poem, control the flow for added effect maybe with a full stop or two or something similar.
Great job. I really enjoyed it.
Happy writing.
Rhythm is quite smooth.
The connection I understand which many others will as well.
Many could connect to this poem because you could understand it from many views.
I enjoyed it and would like to read more.
Hey! I'm no poet, but I'll review this as best as I can.
First off, I like the way you set this up, using the center tags. It looks nice! Though it doesn't really have any stanzas, so unless that was your initial purpose, I suggest you see to fixing that.
One thing I'd like to nitpick on is the fourth line. That is really long, compared to the other lines. What I like to do when I write poems is try to have the lines match in lengths. Like when line A is long and line B is medium, Intry to make line C long and line D short. It doesn't have to line up, of course, but I just perfer to do that. I'm a bit OCD.
Anyways, that sentence is really long, so I suggest breaking it up into two lines.
Other than that, I really liked the poem! Nice flow, I found it easy and pleasant to read! It was written nicely, I liked the way you described the pubble and looking into it. Keep on writing!
~Iggy
Hey there. So this is an intresting piece. I am so ecited to review it for you.
What I liked:
1. The flow. You have a nice, smooth, and very consistant flow to this piece. Makes it so pleasureable to read.
2. The idea. I don't fully understand it towards the end but the beginning gives me a clue as to what you were trying to say, and I think the beginning is very well done.
What I didn't like:
1. The idea. I know I just said I liked it but I'm going to explain just what I didn't get. I don't understand what you meant by the multiple people thing. I understand theyre looking at their reflection but who are the other people you are talking about.
Overall:
Great piece. I think as far as the fundementals of poetry you have the jist of it all, just work on formulating solid ideas that ring throughout.
EXCELLENT use of the Critique Sandwich!
I thought it would be a little confusing there, where the three other people (two on either side of the MC and one across, like a circle) are looking down-- which they are, but really just through it, if that makes any sense.