z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Last Moments

by steward


I open my eyes and lift my head up to Sophie's face. I try to get up, but my legs seem to be numb. Sophie strokes my head and starts crying, just like she does every time her father leaves for work. I don't ever cry, because Sophie is always there beside me. But I don't understand why she cries all the time. Is there something I'm doing wrong?

"It's time for him to go now," says Sophie's father, then Sophie cries even more.

Sophie's father is here, but Sophie cries on. I lick Sophie's hand and rest my head on her lap. Then I feel gentle hands pick me up: it is Sophie's father. Why? I ask myself. Father had always hated me, he would have had me out of the house if it wasn't for Sophie who protected me. Why is he holding me like I was his child? Then I notice tears in his eyes as he carries me through a door. Sophie screams as her mother stops her from running toward me. Suddenly, the door was closed, and Sophie seemed so far away.

"It's okay, there's no need to be afraid." Father says, smiling at me for the first time in my life.

Then he puts me down on a cold and hard table. I bark at him; it was much better on Sophie's lap. Another man in white comes through the door and comes toward me. He puts his hand on my back and I feel something small and sharp go through my leg. I try to fight, but I'm too weak, just as I have been for the last few weeks. I just close my eyes and wait for Sophie to come get me.

I wait with my eyes closed. Then everything becomes white, and suddenly, becomes black. I realize then, that I've been put to sleep... forever.


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Tue May 06, 2014 5:54 pm
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Percybeth says...



Really, this makes me cry. Last night my dog was put down. Her name was Sophie. She had cancer and broke her leg last night while we weren't home. I don't know what to say, this just makes me really sad.




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Sun Apr 27, 2014 8:18 am
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supernb wrote a review...



Hey there Stewart!
Supernb here to review!

Firstly, i have never read a story written from a dog's point of view. This is something very rare. So a thumbs up for that!

This story is wonderful but sad. I feel sad for the dog at the end of the story. Poor guy didn't know what was going to happen to him.

Anyways, your story is simple but nicely written. And it is something different!
I couldn't find any faults or nitpicks :)

Overall- This is a good story!
Keep up the good work!
I would love to read more from you!

Cheers!
-- Supernb




steward says...


Thank you Supernb., :3



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Sun Apr 27, 2014 8:08 am
TriSARAHtops wrote a review...



Hey steward! (Finally) here as requested! :-)

A really beautiful, heartbreaking piece. Before I get into the praise, I just had a tiny quibble:

says Sophie's father, then Sophie cries even more.

I'm really nitpicking here, because this isn't wrong but the flow could be a little better. The use of 'Sophie' twice feels a little repetitive, but it's adds this beautiful sense of how important Sophie is to the dog. As a stylistic element, it really works. However, I would replace 'then Sophie cries' with 'which makes Sophie cry'.

The tone in this is absolutely stunning, and even though it is a very short story, the length is excellent. It absolutely deserves all the likes it has received. I loved the softness to it, and although it was incerdibly sad, it wasn't harsh. Keep doing what you're doing, because it works gorgeously.

Fantastic job!




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Sat Apr 26, 2014 7:36 am
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Nai-Xi says...



I had no idea you took the dog's perspective until you used the word bark. Very good personification. The one line that got me was
"It's okay, there's no need to be afraid." Father says, smiling at me for the first time in my life.

Good story! I really enjoyed it!




steward says...


:3 thank you.,



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Fri Apr 25, 2014 1:24 am
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speakerskat wrote a review...



That awkward moment when you read the first sentence and realize you read this before and forgot to review it. That awkwarder moment when it's by steward.


All awkwardness aside. Nice job but this was really sad, is sad literature trending or.... Anyways I thought it was amazing how you took it from the perspective of the dog and I must say I felt that this would be about what a dog would be thinking. That last sentence was so sad though... I wanted to cry for all the animals who had to be put down but worst of all WHY????!!!! I want to know what they killed her dog and what really happened.

Keep it up, Kat




steward says...


aww, thank you :3 I like being awkward.,
anyway., the story mentions the dog's leg being numb, and him being too weak., so the dog was sick., :c which happened to me., and I don't want to remember.,
anyway., thanks for the review., :)



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Wed Apr 23, 2014 2:46 pm
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TheUnnatural wrote a review...



Wow really well written! So many emotions and so many feelings :')

I love how you never write something specifically in your writing, but kind of leave of vaguely, leaving this "omg what" after finishing reading.

I really don't have anything much to say because it was a flawless short story, but maybe put

I bark at him, it was much better on Sophie's lap.

as: "I bark at him; it was much better on Sophie's lap."

becaues this is just more natural. :)

Anyways, beauuuutiful story, I almost want to print it out and frame it because it stirred up so many emotions inside me (my dog recently died).

Keep on writing!

-Unnatural




steward says...


Thank you., :) and yes, I will change that right now., :D
:3



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Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:38 am
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DrFeelGood says...



Outstanding short! Very well written :D




steward says...


Wow., thanks., :D



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Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:15 am
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thebluegemini wrote a review...



This is so beautiful that I almost cried. I love the fact that you have written it from the dog's point of view. Its so touching. I can relate to you as my own dog died a few months ago. I have still not gotten over it. I can now imagine how he might have felt. My favorite part is this: "I wait with my eyes closed. Then everything becomes white, and suddenly, becomes black. I realize then, that I've been put to sleep... forever." Beautiful, simply beautiful. I am too choked up to say anything more but you just gotta keep writing.




steward says...


Aww., :3 we all share the same feeling I guess.,



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Tue Apr 22, 2014 6:51 pm
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PeanutPhoebe wrote a review...



Wow. Amazing! To be honest though, it took me a minute to realize this was a dog. I guess I kinda missed the licking part:). So, I so now how you feel with this. When I was ten, I lost my chocolate labrador, who had been there as long as I could remember. And he had to be put to sleep as well. I actually wrote a piece, but not nearly as good as this. I didn't notice any grammar mistakes, and I love the point of view. I don't have any complaints. None. Sooo good!
I loved it. What else to say? Keep working!




steward says...


Aww., :3 thank you.,



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Tue Mar 04, 2014 9:44 am
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Auxiira wrote a review...



Gah! *rubs goosebumps from her arms*

Hey Steward! Auxii here to review your haunting piece of writing!

Frankly, you almost had me in tears. I've had to go through this with two cats, and it doesn't get any easier.

Anyway! I love how this was written from the dog's perspective, it made it a lot more touching than I think it would have been from say Sophie's point of view. A few nitpicks first:

I don't ever cry, that is because Sophie is always with me. But why does she cry even when I'm always with her?
You don't need the 'that is'. "I don't ever cry, because Sophie is always with me." is correct! You've also used "always" in two sentences following each other. There are a lot of other ways of saying always! Maybe "Why is she still crying even though I am with her?"

Then I feel gentle hands carry me up: it was Sophie's father.
*pick me up. Another thing is the tense of was. You've written the rest in past, so it should be "it is Sophie's father." You might want to have another look through that paragraph, because there are a few more tense slips in that one.

I had forgotten that the jab was in the leg... for both of my cats it was in the back of the neck...

I really loved this piece, even though it was so haunting and sad! The fact that it was from the dog's point of view made it a lot more interesting!

I hope this helped and keep on writing!
Knight Auxii~




steward says...


Thank you so much for the review., :) I'll edit it as soon as I can., :))
I love cats a lot too, but I've never had one put to sleep.,
I'm glad someone out there knows what I feel., :(
*-rock.on., :D



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Tue Mar 04, 2014 8:47 am
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faithless0408 wrote a review...



Oh my gosh! That's so heartbreakingly sad! Are you trying to depress everyone who reads this?
Aside from the fact it's so dreadfully sad, it's a really good piece of writing! I like the way you decided to write from the dogs point of view, as that's not something ever done really. It was interesting as well because now I think of it, that probably is how dogs see these situations.
You're a talented writer, keep it up!
Faithless




steward says...


I was pretty depressed myself, to be honest :/ ., :)) thanks for viewing.,
*-rock.on., :D



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Fri Feb 28, 2014 6:53 pm
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rockstarer says...



Oh my, this is sad, it reminded me of my dog. :( I had to put her down 2 months ago. Good work, keep it up., :)





Memories, left untranslated, can be disowned; memories untranslatable can become someone else’s story.
— YiYun Li