Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: A pretty intriguing chapter one here...I think it manages to capture most of the sort of thing that you want to have in a first chapter...and it manages to really do a pretty good job here....you'd definitely get my attention as a reader with this chapter.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I don't understand why they made me go on this stupid vacation. I just wanted to relax over my summer break, but no! We had to go take a trip to someplace in Europe. I begged my parents to let me stay home, but they remember what happened last time.

As my parents were walking to the car to go to the airport, the house started smoking and the next thing I knew, is we were loading up the moving truck.

So anyway, as we boarded the plane I was on my IPhone chatting to my best friend friend about how terrible this vacation was going to be. And my mom just swipes my phone out of my hand and tells me to read a book on the plane. I was in disbelief. How could she make me read a book on summer break! I start to complain and she tells me to "Zip it!" She hands me a book called the rules of survival. "This is a book about surviving in the wild and all sorts of stuff like that" she explains to me. "Why am do I need to read this?" I ask. "Because it teaches you a lesson you will never learn in school" she tells me.

We find our seats, and I stare at the cover of the book. It has a middle-aged man with vivid colors of trees around him. I open the cover to find different surviving techniques and I continue to read until I finish. "How was the book, Christina?" my mom asks. "It was fine, but I don't understand what lesson it gave me" I say. She just smiles and we both fall asleep, then I feel the air getting hotter and the plane falling.

Hi there!

So I'm going to start out with some things I'd like to point out and then I'm going to give you my overall impression. Alright, let's get started

As my parents were walking to the car to go to the airport, the house started smoking and the next thing I knew, is we were loading up the moving truck.

And my mom just swipes my phone out of my hand and tells me to read a book on the plane. I was in disbelief. How could she make me read a book on summer break!

"Zip it!" She hands me a book called the rules of survival. "This is a book about surviving in the wild and all sorts of stuff like that" she explains to me. "Why am do I need to read this?" I ask. "Because it teaches you a lesson you will never learn in school" she tells me.

Overall, this was a really great start to an interesting story. The main character, Christina, was realistic and acted the way a normal teenager would if placed in the same scenario.

As a whole, the chapter didn't contain too many errors, although it did have a few grammatical mistakes I feel I should point out. First off, when writing dialogue, start a new paragraph each time a new person speaks.

For example, when Christina says this:

-"Why am do I need to read this?" I ask.
It should be it's own separate paragraph. Also, I think this was a typo, but the "am" doesn't fit in this particular sentence.

And when her mother responds with:

-"Because it teaches you a lesson you will never learn in school" she tells me.

It should also be a paragraph on its own.

Aside from those minor mistakes, it was really a great chapter with a suspenseful cliffhanger ending. Keep up the good work, and let me know when the next chapter is posted!

Happy writing,

SilverArrow

Hi there! It's Em101cats! I hope you know who this is because I can't say my name. Don't need unwanted stalkers lol


Anyways, this is overall a fantastic chapter! I can't wait for the next chapters. The suspense is at the perfect level - is the plane going to crash? Is it burning? Or is it just landing in a hot place? Are they in the jungle? So many questions, and that is perfect!


If you want to, I need some reviews on my series. It's called Forbidden Shadows. You'll need to catch up though, which is a lot of reading - prologue, chapter one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen part one! (Fifteen is the series finale so there will be several parts.) Don't feel pressured, you can start wherever, whenever. And you don't even have to read it if you don't want to.

Peace out! And keep up the great writing!
~Em101cats~
(Just so you know, that's my usual ending to reviews.)

This is really good for a starter. I really liked what you did to this. This was really good.
For a first timer i didn't see many mistakes. The only mistake I saw was when you said am i need or something like that. This was a smart idea, and I cant wait to read the next chapter.

Write it soon.

Keep up the awesome book writing. This book was great.
Love,
Dogsrule5

Hey! IamTraunt here to review!

As you know the beginning chapter of a novel is a very important chapter to a reader. You need a reason for the reader to carry on and ask questions to spur them on, which you did like xfabulissa said. You made me (the reader) want to find out what happens to Christina.

Nitpick!

I've noticed a few punctuation mistakes in your dialogues. You should add a comma at the end of a dialogue before the quotation marks. Also, when you start a dialogue, it is advisable that you put it in another paragraph. And there was a small mistake with the sentence "Why am do I need to read this?" But overall, the story left a cliffhanger and I can't wait to read your next one.