Young Writers Society

This formatting looks pretty awful, haha! so I am working on making a pdf version to upload instead XD hope you enjoy!!

Hello, this is AkuRashomon, and I am here to give a review/comment about your work. First of all, I do think the formatting can make the story pretty confusing. I do relate to some of the sayings here, though. TW lol. I am also sorry if I have typos because I am using my phone. This is so Dazai Osamu of you, @EllieMae! His book No Longer Human kinda sounds like this.

For the first way of committing suicide:
Omg, I can relate. Like people say, I am a good person, but they just think that, but they don't love me. They use me. So, thinking of suicide in this way is so real.

For the second way of committing suicide:
This is relatable too, hihi. Am I okay? The fun fact that being lonely is depressing can cause someone to be suicidal. The words in italics are so hard to read, lol. They make me cry. I guess you have to make the age rating a bit higher for maturity.

For the third way of committing suicide:
Awwwwww, you are at home, yet it doesn't feel like home. You live in a place where you feel lost and a place where you do not belong.

For the fourth way of committing suicide:
This is just getting sader and sader. May I know who you are in the story, though? Is it a friend, family, or lover?

For the fifth way of committing suicide:
Okay, this part feels incomplete. We need more of the words in italics, making the protagonist express more of their reason. I think the title is also a bit out of place. It could've been (suggesting only) 5 Reasons Why I Committed Suicide. The narrator is writing this from their grave fr fr. Overall, you did a good job. I would love to see a better version of this, though. Keep it up and happy writing!

- AkuRashomon

Hey, aren't you the one who wrote a speech about people commiting suicide? I have yet to read it; I'll review as I read a long. But I hope things get better for you. being suicidal might feel like its no big deal at first, but no likes to hear it. I home you'll be alright.

number one is entirely true. Why be nice when people will take advantage of you anyways? what, being real is being mean? here's a tall glass of DEAL WITH IT and a straw so you can SUCK IT UP. I totally agree. people just think I'm a mean person for no reason. maybe its true, but people shouldn't assume unless they know your story. Even then, there are some twisted people out there. so I totally agree with this.

2 I am surprised how much I can relate. ik I might sound like an immature idiot who "doesn't get it" but believe me, I'm just worried about 10 year olds reading this. I am also not very right in the head . so sorry if this sounds weird. I think you'd really relate to a song by Citizen Soldier called "Just be Happy" because I can relate to it, too. I know how it feels to have absolutely no one who wants to hear your life story or wants to hear about how you "complain" and "overdramatize" so if you ever want to send me a ten paragraph message about how everything in your life is wrong, believe me, I love stories. so hit me with your best shot besides, I love friends. message me any time!

3 ever had a feeling that this is a house, not a home? yeah, me too. its like you want to cry and your heart squeezes but your face is raw from the tears and they refuse to leak out. I get it. I hope you'll soon feel cozy in your home.

4 I THINK I can relate. like "is this really reality right now? am I really here? what time is it? am I dreaming?" I get that some times. But remember, if you want to feel "alive" please don't cut yourself. instead, do something significant. go on a rollercoaster. finish reading a book. I know I should eat my words, and that I never do this, but maybe accomplishing something will help you feel alive.

5 holy **** I can relate. I just lost someone who meant the world to me. Sometimes, the person can mean the world to you, but the cold hard truth is that sometimes, you just have to accept that you AIN'T THAT SOMEONE'S FAVORITE PERSON. once you get over that like I did, you might feel a little bit better.

have a good day remember, I'm right here if you want to talk! (ik it sounds cheesy and dumb, but so am I)

Hi there AilahEvelynMac! Atticus here for a review.

Full disclosure, it's been months (honestly maybe years :O) since my last review, so please bear with me if I'm all over the place. I'd be happy to clarify anything if it doesn't make sense, feel free to PM me with any questions!

First, some resources if this is poem was inspired by current personal struggles. If it was not, or if you've got a handle on whatever is going on, feel free to just ignore.
https://988lifeline.org/
(LGBTQ specific, in case that could be more useful): https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
There's no shame in talking to someone -- life can be brutal, and everyone needs extra support sometimes. Even if it doesn't feel "that bad", these can be good resources for when you're feeling overwhelmed.

In regards to your work itself, the first thing that caught my attention was the title of this piece. Naturally, a person would assume that there's only one way to do such a thing, so the thought that someone did it in five separate ways was intriguing. The way you explored that was very interesting. I interpreted it as meaning five separate things that coalesced in a metaphorical suicide, since I didn't see anything that seemed like an actual death-causing event. I enjoyed the italicized portions, as I read those a little like thoughts or whispers, something underlying the main points. Playing around with the alignment of different lines could be fun, but not strictly necessary. I saw your comment about how the formatting wasn't quite finished yet, so I won't belabor the point. Finally, I found it interesting that the final point broke the rhythm of the poem in a sense. I like the idea. My only critique would be that the final point doesn't quite have the gravitas to pull it off, if I may be so frank. The gravitas is not lacking in the words, but more in the imagery, if that makes sense. Throwing in some metaphorical language and some more vivid imagery would add some "oomph" to your last bit.

My favorite portion of this poem was point 4. This hit me hard, since I'm familiar with the idea of people who have passed away coming back as sunsets, and I was touched by the thought that the hurting narrator wants to make the sky pretty for the object of their affection to the point of death. If I could nitpick a bit, I would think about changing the period to a dash. The pause from the dash would lend some more emphasis to the "only you", at least in my opinion.

3- Realizing you are completely alone at night and that even though you are in your own house, all you want to do is go home.