Salutations, curious mind!
Amaya here, ready to dive into the pages of this intriguing story. 📚! Here’s the first review!
Buckle up, 'cause we're diving into my review magic! ✨
The Good Stuff:
First of all, let's talk about the parts that really rocked!
Your story gave off Star Trek vibes! I like the setting you’ve chosen. I think it’s in space, if I’m wrong please correct me. The world looks very far in the future also, which can be a really fun way to explore. I have a feeling this is going to be kind of dystopian, but I’m not too sure.
You have a great protagonist for this chapter, Agent Zero. He has a lot of personality and his vibe is very chill and sassy. He seems like a person who doesn't have a care in the world. So that part went really well. ^^ Agent Eight also has a great personality, the fact that he’s annoyed by Zero’s behaviour comes out really well through his dialogues and behaviour.
Next up, your dialogues: Your dialogues are really kind of the centre of your story and really drive your plot forward, I will come back to them later. XD
Last but not least, I wanted to say, great job on the sub-title! I think it really relates to the chapter which is a good thing and it really catches your attention.
I also wanted to say, I really like the Leonardo da vinci touch. So casually, he just happened to be Zero’s friend. Awesome thinking there! This is definitely a nice twist, I haven’t read before.
Areas to Improve:✒️
The following suggestions are merely to help you improve on your writing and not to offend you in any way. Feel free to skip these suggestions, if these are not what you aim for.
As I said before your dialogues really drive the story which is a good thing, but I would also suggest you try to add more descriptions to your characters and setting maybe?
This can give your story a more relatable and realistic feel.
For example, think about adding descriptions for how Zero looks like? And how does Nine and Eight? What does this monster look like? How does the air smell, is it sweet, is it bitter? Is there sun that shines inside?
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As I read you explained to Rose, that nine is actually the protagonist and not Zero, which makes sense if you read the title of the novel: Nine.
I do think it’s a little unclear in the first chapter, from this it looks like Zero is the protagonist. But I get that you start off with a side character and later on introduce the main character like a movie If you made it more clear in the following chapters that Nine is the protagonist, feel free to skip this suggestion. ^^
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As Key said, I don’t want to be too repetitive, so that’s all the critique I have for now. Most of the points of improvement, the other five reviewers have already mentioned before me.
Piece of advice: I would suggest you take a look at all of the reviews you got again, and then edit/re-write your work in order to improve it. XD
Overall Feelings:
This is a very nice first chapter, as previous reviewers before me gave a lot of advice already. I tried to search for things you could improve. I hope I helped you a little You have strong characters, a nice concept and great dialogues ^^ I would definitely suggest you continue writing if that’s your wish.
Have a nice day or night further! Keep writing! You are amazing!
Amazingly yours,
Amaya Statham– Be yourself and keep writing! 📖🎉
Points: 32252
Reviews: 225
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