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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

The Forsaken Race - The Hidden Truth: Chapter 27

by RavenAkuma


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

Chapter 27 - The Hidden Truth

                    

                      

'CLANG!'

Timbur blocked a hit with his machete, yet was still thrown back across the cave. A large cave, deeper within the fortress, with rigid walls, stalactites, and one tunnel leading to and from the area. Light emanated from several small white crystals speckled about the walls. There were a couple of wooden racks inside, with very basic weapons on them. Ramshackle training dummies and targets were stacked in the corner, their worn surfaces riddled with gouges and scorch marks. The air was humid and cold, with the overwhelming smell of eroded stone.

Timbur charged back toward his enemy. As he closed in, his path seemed sporadic and serpentine, but each movement was precise; each one built a terrifying momentum that he rode like a hawk in the wind. As he shot around his enemy, he struck from multiple angles in light-fast jabs and slashes. A normal foe would have been dead already, but with this one, each hit was blocked with almost impossible calculations.

As Timbur flipped out of the way of a counterstrike, a green flash manifested where he had been. A bundle of thorns burst out and immediately snared the foe's weapon. Timbur braced a finishing blow sure to kill anything; mortal, beast, or demon.

However, he barely moved an inch before his sword-bearing arm locked up, the tension even causing pain in his arm.

"Should've figured..."

The opponent lashed his weapon, tearing through the roots like nothing before it hit Timbur's machete out of his hand.

Timbur's ear twitched, but he looked calmly back toward his opponent, who was just sparring partner despite the gut-churningly realistic display. That realism, however, was exactly why he had locked up. The scenario of striking down his own master -someone he valued more than past kings or even gods- was so sickening that he couldn't manage it even in a simulation.

In front of him, Leiytning hardly seemed bothered. His jagged gold spear, the shaft extended since it was unsheathed, gleamed in the faint light.

Hearing that judgmental remark, Timbur defended himself. "It's just sparring anyway. Sparring that's barely necessary; I never have trouble finishing an enemy."

Leiytning sighed, "You know that's not why I make you do this."

Timbur's ears angled back, a sense of uneasiness in his expression. Something he would never show around anyone else. Leiytning reflected no irritation or anger, just a calm demeanor with the faintest trace of disappointment.

"Timbur, you've exceeded any expectation I could have regarding physical capability, but you need to shift your focus onto mental capability. A lack of restraint with outsiders is one thing, but within these scenarios, you need to be willing to take the final blow. At any cost."

"It's hard," Timbur mumbled.

"I know," Leiytning said calmly. "But this is to protect yourself, and the others. Learn it for them, if nothing else."

Timbur looked away again, his seafoam eyes soon filling with their familiar, ages-old bitterness.

"Yes, master," he muttered.

Leiytning smacked him with the blunt end of the spear.

"My name is not 'master.'"

"Stop doing that!" Timbur groaned, rubbing his head.

Grumbling under his breath, Timbur went to retrieve his machete. However, he soon noticed a stronger sense of humidity than before.

Sure enough, riding on a torrent of water beneath his feet, Zin shot into the cave. As Thundur caught up at a more casual pace, Zin started circling around Leiytning -much to the leader's annoyance.

"Hey, hey, Thundur," Zin remarked while pointing. "I found him. I found Leiyt. He's right here. Do you see? I win -I did it first!"

As soon as he got too close, Leiytning shoved the pesky brother back, making Zin fall off his torrent and crash onto the stone ground.

Thundur ignored the nonsense, stopping in front of him. "Just letting you know, we may have made a bit of progress with the sylph."

"In what way?" Asked Leiytning.

"A trip through the meadow," said Thundur. "With Seyber and Scorch, it seemed to boost her spirits a bit, and I talked with her about how things work out here. I also allowed her to oversee an orc battle. I thought the comparison of us to an actual monstrous group would help clean up our image a bit."

From the ground, Zin sneered, "I'll say. Orcs make pigs look like upstanding citizens."

Leiytning's ear twitched. "Pigs are actually quite intelligent creatures with complex social-"

"Not this again," Zin muttered. His ears perked. "Oh, oh wait. I'm getting something. Yes, Leiyt, a butterfly needs saving! What ever will we do?!"

With one point, Leiytning shot a flash of electricity at him -just enough to make him freeze and shut up.

"I'm ignoring that," the leader muttered. "Building rapport with our two least hostile members, learning more about our systems, exploring a territory more reminiscent of Sybilius, and showing her what real barbarism looks like. Not bad, for one mission."

"Yes, she has plenty to think about..." Thundur looked down. "I just don't know if it will be enough to keep her here."

            

               

\\\\\\

                  

                  

'Click!'

As Kita went inside and closed the door to her one-room hovel, she almost immediately fell against the door. The stir caused a cloud of dust to fly up from the cracks in the unrefined wooden floor. Thankfully, the weather in this region had turned warmer since she left on the meadow mission, but the air lingered on the crisp side. It actually felt nice, now that she was tired from the trek and excitement.

Stud leaped to his feet, rushing over to her.

He yipped, "What happened? Did they hurt you?"

"No," Kita said quietly. She got up, walked to the corner, then collapsed face-down on the thin sheet. It was itchy and thin, but would work for now.

She sighed, "My mind is a mess."

"More than usual?" Asked Stud.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," Kita muttered. "I came here with no regard for loyalty to either tribe; I was mad at Sybilius, but knew I still belonged to it. I fear the demons, and I know they're our enemy, but they don't resemble the monsters described to me."

As she thought about that, the words of others flooded her mind.

"'They're dangerous.'"

"'Monsters in every sense of the word.'"

"'I don't even know if they are people.'"

Kita clenched her fist. "I don't know everything, but I know that feels more and more disingenuous by the second..." She shook her head. "No, wait. They attacked civilians; they took my best friend's family. How could they not have at least a monstrous aspect to them?"

She sat up and started hitting the sides of her head.

"Keep it together, Kita," she murmured. "Keep it together. Stay focused..."

She trailed off, staring at the rough ground as she gathered her thoughts.

However, as a ray of light came through the window, there was a small flash that stole her focus.

Kita blinked hard. "What could that be?"

The curious sylph got to her feet and looked around, but she found nothing. As she stepped aside to allow more light in, though, she saw the same flash again. Only, it wasn't on the ground. It was through the cracks.

"I think I may have found something," Kita murmured.

Stud didn't even reply, since he was now slowly dozing off in the ray of sun.

Following the flash, Kita dug her fingers between the narrow logs and pulled. One came out surprisingly easy. After setting the rotting wood piece aside, she reached into the little cubby, which had sand from the beach leaking through its many cracks.

To her surprise, there was a whole pile of books. Their condition ranged, but most of them were rough, with cracked leather and yellowing pages. 

She reached in and picked up the closest, which had a metal clasp. It had been responsible for the flash of light, and it still glimmered as she studied it. After wiping away the dust and sand, faded white writing was revealed on its cover.

The words alone shocked her.

'Kodin's Journal: Days 364 To ___ Of Living With Demons'

The title didn't specify what day it ended, but Kita already knew why.

"He must've died before he could finish," she mumbled.

She put the journal back, then dug to the bottom of the hole. Predictably, the one most worn had a style more reminiscent of Sybilius, and it was labeled with 'day one.' As she opened the book and mindlessly flipped through the pages, she froze at one line, which was written as if he was trying to gouge the page.

Kita read to herself, "'Corelia lied. They all lied.'"

She inhaled sharply, but instead of calming down, she felt a bit of irritation.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She muttered. "What does he mean, 'they all lied'?"

Stud finally stirred from his short-lived rest, but Kita was already storming to the door. Out on the cold beach, with the seaborne wind sweeping through her dark violet locks, she just stood and waited. With each second that passed, she became more anxious and irate.

Finally, after a while, she saw what she needed. The portal opened, and from it, Jem and Seyber shot through before landing seamlessly on the beach. There was a noticeable difference between the two's landing; Seyber was graceful and hardly made a sound, whereas Jem practically shook the ground around her.

Kita called out, "Seyber!"

The pale girl glanced over curiously, one ear tweaked to listen.

"Can we talk for a moment?" Asked Kita.

With her gray eyes narrowed, Jem grabbed Seyber by the arm. "I don't know about this. Maybe leave the 'talking' to the twins."

"It's fine, Jem," Seyber insisted, prying her hand off. "Go check with Timbur if there are any more missions for the day."

With a look that wasn't suspicious, just wary, Jem reluctantly turned and headed into the fortress. Seyber gladly strolled over toward the cabin.

"Is there something wrong, mortal?"

"Not really," Kita uneasily replied. "By the way, my name is Kita, not 'mortal.'"

Seyber laughed nervously, "Sorry! What's the matter, Kita?"

Kita held up the journal. "I found these, and I read something that I want to know more about."

Though Kita was sure the book would come as a surprise, Seyber didn't react at all.

"Can't you read what it is?" Kita interrogated.

"Well, it looks like Northern. We can speak it, obviously, but we can't read it."

"Well, it says this is Kodin's journal, and there are several more exactly like it."

Seyber's ears perked. "Wait, you found them? That's amazing! He always had one of those journals with him, and he'd fill them with the most random things. I was wondering what happened to them. You see, after Zin teased him by scribbling over a page, he started hiding them. It worked a little too well."

"I'm not worried about books," Kita explained. "I just want to know more about one of these lines. It mentions how Corelia is a liar. I'm not mad about that, I just want to know what he would be talking about. What would he have learned from you, to make him write that?"

"Well..." Seyber hesitated. "There's a lot that it could be referencing, but one of the main things Kodin took an interest in was the war. Its origins, how it escalated, and such. After learning more about it from us, he became a lot more motivated to aid in the fight, and in due time, he helped us pull off the attack that almost killed Corelia."

"Fine, but what did you tell him?" Kita argued. "Don't start secret-keeping; everyone is already doing it way too much, and I just-!"

She felt a surge of surprise when Seyber rested her hand on her shoulder. This kind gesture almost stung at first, likely from the ice-cold skin of this demoness, but it gradually turned into a certain calmness.

"Please, don't get mad. Honestly, I'm scared to talk with you about things like that. It didn't just get Kodin to betray everything he knew, for better or worse, it changed him; it made him do some very rash things. You may not have such an interest in these subjects, but you already seem to be struggling, and I don't want to make it worse."

Kita's expression softened. "Just tell me. I need to hear about this. It may even have to do with why I'm out here."

Seyber looked unnerved, biting her lip. "I-I understand, but maybe it's best to wait until you're feeling better."

When seeing her genuine concern, Kita hesitated to ask again. However, she just couldn't shake the subject from her mind.

Kita continued, "I don't know what to think of you, or the Aubades, or even the war. I didn't come here to learn about any of that. Now, just out of curiosity, I want to hear what changed Kodin's mind. The origins of this war. Without that strong interest you mentioned, I should be better equipped to handle it, right? Likewise, it may help."

After a moment, Seyber nodded. "Okay. I'll tell you, but nothing more than what's needed, and don't let the others know I told you. Say you learned it from the journals, okay?"

"Thank you, and I won't tell," Kita replied.

Seyber pointed to the shack. "It'll be more comfortable in there."

Kita nodded, then stepped aside to let Seyber in. Following her in, she made sure to shut the door tight. Stud yipped nervously and dashed to the back corner of the room, where he cowered in silence.

"Alright," Kita spoke. "Now tell me."

Seyber shook her head. "First, tell me what you already know. What you really believe, not what you want me to hear."

Kita cringed, looking aside awkwardly.

Seyber offered a pathetic grin. "Don't worry, I won't get mad. I've already had my suspicions. Besides, you promised not to tell anyone this came from me, so I'll do the same for you."

"Well..." Kita inhaled deeply. "Right now, I'm just barely working more in Corelia's favor. Sorry, but Sybilius is technically home to me. Not to mention, I've known-" She bit her tongue, before sighing, "Since we're keeping this between us, I have known Corelia on a personal level. However, I'm not involved in any of her affairs, nor do I have any ill will against Leiytning or Thundur."

Though Seyber was fidgeting uncomfortably, she patiently nodded and replied, "Okay."

"Anyways, my understanding of the origins is that your previous leaders made the first strike, and it escalated when the sylphs retaliated. Corelia continues the fight now because she wants to end the war, but peaceful methods have failed."

"Yeah..." Seyber looked unamused. "That's the typical version in Sybilius, usually fed to soldiers. Honestly, it's tamed down. Others usually come with much worse names for us, and rumors about how 'the evil twins' will slaughter villages by the dozen. They even take stories from the reckless behaviors of an entirely separate demon tribe, trying to blame it on us too."

Kita perked up. "Other demon tribes?"

"The Kaens, particularly. They also border Sybilius, but toward the west, and they tend to be more aggressive. Some rowdy few will even cross the border just to cause havoc -usually criminals, to clarify. Respectable demons don't partake in senseless destruction."

"Westward demons, some of which cross the border..." Kita's eyes narrowed. "Fire elementals?"

Seyber's ears perked. "Yes, actually."

Kita felt a chill spread through her veins.

She thought to herself, That region is closer to where Yuna's family would have lived, when they were killed by demons...

Despite the bad feeling in her stomach, Kita asked, "A-And the war? What's the other version?"

Seyber seemed distant. "It's a very old war. It started generations before us, and the pretext had to be there for even longer. Things get obscured and warped along the way, and some details are looked over. However, there's one difference between Sybilius and us, and I think you know the answer."

"Sybilius tried to erase the story," Kita murmured.

"Exactly," Seyber replied. "We try to keep it fresh in our mind. Everyone wants to think we started it. That's why we never got hostile with Sybilius, and the war actually started when Sybil began hunting us."

Kita's heart skipped a beat. "Hunting?"

"Back when Sybilius was just one city and a patch of meadowland, on the border of the Blood Forest. We kept things neutral for a long time. However, mortals and demons rarely get along in the first place, so as well as some dissidents poking fun from either end, tensions started to grow. As life got harder for the sylphs, Sybil decided to take action in an attempt to balance things out."

Seyber's tone turned darker, and Kita felt goosebumps break out along her arms.

"I want to believe Sybil had good qualities, but all we ever saw was greed and bitterness. She exploited the desperate situation to start a trend that would enrich her and her noble circle, and we were the method."

"She used the Zyreans?" Kita murmured.

Seyber nodded. "As Aubades attacked and killed our leader, causing a period of chaos, they stormed the Blood Forest and other vulnerable regions. They killed every Zyrean they could manage. They would hunt us down, even children, and the sky was the limit; they'd take our belongings, our weapons, precious metals, and they'd even harvest some of our blood and body parts to sell to witches -or to experiment with them. Most of all, they wanted our magic. Not only could they use it to study and to fuel their own weaponry, but by tapping into our very core essence, they could extend their lifespan."

Kita looked crushed. "B-But that can't be right!"

"I warned you it would be hard to hear. The stupid leader that took over on our end furthered divides and tension, while creating rules that only made us weaker. The Extinction Battle was almost inevitable, and afterward, Corelia made it clear that she would keep this going. To her only credit, she's not nearly as bloodthirsty as Sybil, and even as a demon, I can see why sylphs admire her. However, that was a gruesome decision on her end, and we didn't appreciate being considered vermin, and we couldn't let so many Zyreans die in vain..." She sighed, "Nor would we let our own suffering go unchecked."

Kita gaped disbelievingly. "That's not my queen, nor is it Sybilius. It can't be..."

Her stomach churned violently, and her scattered thoughts fused into one burning migraine. All her fond memories of home, whether it was in the recent past or modern times, were now stained by a horrible image.

"But you're demons," Kita wheezed. "There had to be something more..."

"No tribe is perfect," said Seyber. "We had our fair share of bad people. However, our loyal warriors greatly outnumbered the criminals and rogues, and we put them at the forefront. For the one bad leader that spearheaded the chaos, we had several other Zyreans trying to keep him in check and de-escalate while they could, including Leiytning. Yes, it's true that demons evolved from monstrous creatures, but that's just it; we evolved. We're not mindless beasts or wicked ethereal entities, nor has any demon been since primordial times. We're people, fangs and all."

Kita went pale, and her breath stilled.

"Be honest..." Seyber's ears drooped. "Do you think we deserved it?"

Kita didn't know how to answer. Her lungs still felt empty and paralyzed. Before she knew it, the world was spinning and making her nauseous. Worse yet, her vision was starting to flicker, flashing horrible images in front of her eyes. She couldn't tell if she was hallucinating or not.

Then, she completely collapsed.


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Stickied -- Mon Feb 26, 2024 10:43 pm
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RavenAkuma says...



Hope you enjoyed this week's bonus chapter! Please let me know what you think about this revelation! Do any new theories come to mind? At this point, do you prefer Aubades or Zyreans, or are you stuck somewhere in between like Kita?

~ I'm also curious, do you have a favorite character by now? ~

Thank you for reading! Have a great day/night! :)




PKMichelle says...


Hello again! You asked a lot of great questions here, and I'm excited to dive into each one of them!! So, I suppose we should get started!

Please let me know what you think about this revelation!

This was an incredible revelation, in my opinion!! Honestly, I was just as shocked as Kita was! The demons have been portrayed as the ones that started the war, and here they are the ones that are victims of it? That's absolutely mind-boggling, and I love it! I imagine this revelation is going to shape the outcome of the rest of the novel, and I'm so excited to see what's to come!!
Do any new theories come to mind?

I'm bad at coming up with theories because I'm bad at anticipating things, but from everything I learned here, it definitely would make a lot of sense if Kita sides with the demons. But because I've read enough books to know there are often unexpected twists, I feel like she might side with the demons, then something will go wrong, and she'll leap back to Corelia. Or that could be entirely wrong. Who knows? Only time will tell!
At this point, do you prefer Aubades or Zyreans, or are you stuck somewhere in between, like Kita?

I suppose I'm kind of in the middle, like Kita is... Both sides have done terrible things, and I recognize that, but most of what the demons have done was for their own survival, and you can't be too mad at them for that, can you? At least, I don't think so. On top of that, there's just something about Queen Corelia that irks me for some reason. I don't know what about her makes me so irritated (it's probably all of the lying she's done), but something about her gets under my skin. So, I guess with all of that being said, I lean more towards the Zyreans, especially after finding out why they behave the way they do... But that's always subject to change; I just have to figure out why I hate Corelia so much :/
~ I'm also curious, do you have a favorite character by now? ~

Maybe not just one favorite character, but two! And they're both demons!! Leiytning and Seyber are just such awesome characters. I love Leiytning for his wit and wisdom, and I love Seyber for her kindness and patience! They also both seem to be playing very important roles that can't be ignored in the grand scheme of everything that's going on... Which is another reason I love them so much!!

These were wonderful little additional questions, and this was a wonderful bonus chapter! I had so much fun doing all of this, and I look forward to so much more!

Goodbye once again!!



RavenAkuma says...


Thanks for answering, and with such detail! I love hearing your guys' opinions and theories ~



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Fri May 03, 2024 10:50 pm
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dragonight9 wrote a review...



Hi! Dragon here to give my thoughts on this amazing story.

That upon which my dragon's eye fixed

I enjoyed the brief sparing match at the start but was surprised by the use of vines since I thought Leiytning would be using lightning magic.

I like Zin already. And of course Leiyntning's response to his comment about butterflies was perfect.

It seems like Thundur's view of Kita has changed slightly even if only as a method of getting Kita to want to stay with them.

Oh! Kodin's journal! I thought Kita was going to secretly read through them to get the answers she was looking for, and the last thing I expected was for her to immediately tell someone about it.
I wonder if Seyber is going to keep her word not to tell anyone.

As I read through the description of Sybilius's history I found myself nodding like "yep seems like a typical 'good' country to me."
And I'm glad Seyber didn't try to say all demons were good either. This line:

We're people, fangs and all.

Totally reminds me of something Jarid would say about dragons.

Honestly the reveal was so expected (because of how well you have built up Zyrean culture so far) that I was surprised when Kita collapsed. Though after thinking about it I realise it was realistic since basically her core beliefs are being upended here.

Some loose scales

Timbur's ear twitched, but he looked calmly back toward his opponent, who was just sparring partner despite the gut-churningly realistic display.

You missed an indicator here "who was just [a/his] sparring partner"

Other than that I couldn't find anywhere else to improve! Great job!

As mighty wing soar overall

This was a wonderful chapter. I actually thought it was short but after looking back I realised that I was just so involved that I didn't realise how much I was reading!

The reveal was done well and communicated to Kita in the best way. Through an open and vulnerable moment with the gentlest Zyrean. I'm glad Kita now has both perspectives from which she can make her decision. And though I hope she doesn't fight against Sybilius, I also hope she sides with the Zyreans

Final wisdom of the scaled one

The only new theory I have come up with is that somehow Kita may be forced to use demon blood. Whether to gain power to save her friends or for some other reason which will probably make me cry in frustration while, again, being understandable.
As you can probably guess, I have preferred the Zyreans since even before this chapter. (I love their culture, honor system, and attitude)
My favorite character is still Leiytning (though if Scorch had more time in the spotlight he might be up there).

May blazing dragon-fire light your path and ignite the flames of your inspiration.




RavenAkuma says...


*Ah, that move with the vines was Timbur's magic ensnaring the opponent's weapon. Leiyting is an electric elemental lol. I could rewrite that to be more clear though. Thanks for catching that typo as well ~

And thanks for answering the questions! I love picking up your guys' opinions and theories ^^



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Mon Mar 11, 2024 2:26 pm
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keeperofgaming wrote a review...



Dark, I like it.

When I smiled:

Seyber's honesty on what happened, and acknowledging that Corelia was somewhat admirable is interesting. I also like how they show some ignorance on both sides.

In the prologue, we see Corelia vying for peace, indicating that she is also tired of the senseless slaughter, but the blood feud is currently too far. Perhaps Kita, the friend of Corelia and Leiytning both, could be where the war ends.

I also found it deeply interesting that Kita just collapsed, in my opinion, the revalation caused her demon side to roar out, and/or, her sylph side diminished suddenly upon the revelation of the cruelty.

A Line to remember:

"To her only credit, she's not nearly as bloodthirsty as Sybil, and even as a demon, I can see why sylphs admire her. However, that was a gruesome decision on her end, and we didn't appreciate being considered vermin."

Seyber's line proves the point of her being kind, and her wanting to see the best in everyone. I feel that Corelia was simply misguided, and if Kita, with her knowledge, were to show Corelia the cruelty, she would realize her mistake and change.

Everyone, as I see it, is wrong here. The Zyrean's deserve more, but, like Corelia, they absolutely demonize their opponents.

The Catalyst's Growth:

Kita realizing the truth is a dark scene that shatters her expectations of the world. I especially like her trying to get a rationalization of the events, instinctually showing her care for Corelia, which she previously only hinted at.

Her refusal to see her cruelty was dark, and Seyber's dark but honest response was perfect.

I feel that she won't end up violent like Kodin, as she knows Corelia, but she may be more adamant than ever to clear things up and stop the war, especially when the Mutants are getting more common and more ferocious.




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Thu Feb 29, 2024 10:16 pm
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PKMichelle wrote a review...



Hello there, friend!
I'm back, as I said I would be, to check out this next awesome chapter!!

Image

Per my interpretation, this was a very revealing chapter! So many things that have been kept hidden were finally brought to light, and the truth was finally shown through. This was masterfully done!

Brief Summary: Timbur and Leiytning were sparring when Thundur and Zin came in. Thundur began telling Leiytning about all that they exposed Kita to during their battle with the orcs. Before the story changes perspective, they mention that they hope this convinces Kita to stay. After the perspective change, we are met by a tired, worn-out Kita who catches a glimpse of light in the wood of the hovel. Opening it up, Kita finds Kodin's journals from the time he spent with the Zyreans. And upon reading one of the pages, she is filled with questions that prompt her to go to Seyber for help. Seyber answers many of Kita's burning questions, leaving Kita with the realization that all she knew about the war was wrong. This freaks Kita out and causes her to fall unconscious.

This was a stellar plot!


If I could offer any sort of advice, I wouldn't really be able to!! Everything was so wonderfully done, and there were no noticeable grammar or spelling errors!! I also didn't notice anything confusing or that didn't make much sense!

So, with that being said, congratulations on writing another phenomenal chapter!!

Also, I answered the questions to your comment under your comment... just in case you missed it :)


If I had to pick my favorite part, there would be quite a few!! Because with a lack of bad things generally comes many wonderful ones! And that's exactly what happened here!

The first thing that stuck out to me was, as always, the sibling feuds! When Zin was taunting Leiytning for his comment about the intelligence of pigs, there was a beautiful moment of pure sibling love. You said,

"Not this again," Zin muttered. His ears perked. "Oh, oh wait. I'm getting something. Yes, Leiyt, a butterfly needs saving! What ever will we do?!"

With one point, Leiytning shot a flash of electricity at him -just enough to make him freeze and shut up.


The bickering and the fighting are always absolutely perfect, and I love every second of it!! After reading so many of the chapters like this one, I have to say, there's no way you're an only child... You have to have experienced this because no one can just write siblings as well as you have here!

The next thing that I took great note of was the way you showed Kita's internal conflict in regards to picking sides—the Aubades or the Zyreans. You can clearly see the lines being blurred for Kita and how confused she is about who to choose. This is especially true when you say,

I fear the demons, and I know they're our enemy, but it's becoming harder and harder to think of them as the monsters described to me.


She's gotten so close that she can barely recognize the terrible things the demons are believed to have done. This was a great way to show how confused she is about all of this and how difficult it is for her to pick between her home and answers! Great job there!!

Another thing that jumped out to me while I was reading came when Seyber told Kita about the location of another demon tribe, and Kita realized it probably wasn't the Zyreans that killed Yuna. You said,

She thought to herself, That region is closer to where Yuna's family would have lived when they were killed by demons...


We don't know much yet, but I imagine this will cause Kita to trust the Zyreans just a tad bit more. I mean, trusting them has already been laid out by everything else mentioned in this chapter, but now Kita's going to have that terrible thought spiraling around her head? You have set this up so well for Kita to side with the Zyreans, so kudos to you there!

The final thing that genuinely caught my eye was Kita's reaction to finding out that Sybil slaughtered many Zyreans and was actually the cause of the war. The way everything changed for her in that moment was so fantastically written. In the very end, you said,

Kita didn't know how to answer. Her lungs still felt empty and paralyzed. Before she knew it, the world was spinning and making her nauseous. Worse yet, her vision was starting to flicker, flashing horrible images in front of her eyes. She couldn't tell if she was hallucinating or not.

Then, she completely collapsed.


It's almost as if you can feel the feelings along with her—all of the fear and shock. This moment breaks her, and who knows if it will be for the greater good? I loved how you wrote this part, and I love how much detail you packed into it!! You did such an outstanding job!


Overall, this was one of the most amazing chapters I've read so far!!! Everything came together to create such a surreal experience that I'm not too sure I was entirely ready for! I had a blast reading this, and I'm undeniably excited for the rest of the novel!!

Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review is of some use to you!


Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!




RavenAkuma says...


Welcome back, glad you enjoyed! And you were correct in your assumption, I grew up with two brothers as my best friends, so I know the motions lol. I actually have a little more trouble with the sisters (apart from Jem, since we're both tomboys lol)

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed, thanks for reading and reviewing! :)




If all pulled in one direction, the world would keel over.
— Yiddish proverb