Hello Hello!
It's your friendly neighborhood Ranger again, back to leave another (although a little more then slightly late) review! I hope you've been having a good day and what I have to leave in this review is helpful to you as a writer! let's jump right into it, shall we?
This was an exciting and tense chapter to read with Matthew appearing to have a power, the appearance of the Light Guards, the death of the Elder and more! I'm really excited to see what this leads to next in this story!
Once again, I would like to start off with a couple critiques and brushing up on things that could be improved throughout the chapter.
I noticed that in the beginning and middle of the story you used italics for his thoughts and are getting the hang of it, so great job on that! Although, I did notice two small spots where it was forgotten that I wanted to point out to you which is here,
They are going to witch burn me; Matthew thought.
and here.
I dont want to die; Matthew thought,
Following along the lines of those two parts, some punctuation might be useful between Matthew's actions or feelings and thoughts. For example:
Fear came into Matthew[,] I dont want to die; Matthew thought,
Here either a comma or period might help to separate description and his thoughts a bit more and make his thoughts a bit more prominent. In other places too a bit more punctuation might be handy. (Although I know it can be hard to remember in the spur of the moment. Especially when writing an exciting, action filled chapter such as this )
The last thing I noticed was just some simple errors in two places.
Here, the word infront doesn't need to be captialized.
The burning torch was now Infront of him,
And here, the correct spelling of Gurds would be Guards.
The envoys of the Holy Order or the Light Gurds,
Other then those few things, the entire chapter was really good! I can really tell in this chapter that you're progressing and bettering your works and writing! you're doing great!
Now, without further ado, let's get into some specifics of what I really enjoyed while reading this!
The very first thing I want to mention here is I love how smoothly the chapter seemed to flow while still keeping the excitement and anticipation sky high! You showed it marvelously in the part where Matthew discovers his power! I adore how you described the feelings to build up anticipation but still made sure what happened next surprised me as a reader! The italics in that same paragraph help drive home the description too so no one gets confused between the feeling of for example reaching out while not literally doing it.
After that paragraph a really admire how you quickened the pace again to describe the way everything seemed to resume to normal speed. It helped bring forth the sense of panic the crowd felt for a moment before focusing on the main character again with an opposite feeling. The metaphors you used also really helped the description, my favorite one being this one:
People fluttered like clueless birds.
If I had enough time to praise this work to its fullest I would be here all day! There was so much I loved! Many parts of the above can also cross over to other parts, for example the excellent descriptions throughout the entire work and the way you drove home the emotions and feelings of Matthew!
In conclusion, this was an absolutely marvelous chapter and I can really see the progress you've made in this one compared to the last couple. I had a wonderful time reading this and hope this review is helpful to you in some way or another! I look forward to more of your works in the future and hope you have a great day!
Until we meet again!
-Ranger
Points: 1500
Reviews: 6
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