z

Young Writers Society


16+ Violence

The Prime Control Chapter 4 Part 1: The Grave

by keeperofgaming


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

I was walking home, as I didn’t have a car yet. Then I ran into the headmaster… literally.

“Oh, hello William.”

She helped me up. Cherry was next to her.

“Um. Hi ma’am. What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I was just walking. I heard that you were in danger today.”

“Yeah, I’m good now.”

“Why didn’t you fight them?”

I looked over at Cherry.

“What do you mean?”

“I saw one of them, he was weak, you could have easily won.”

“It was a numbers problem, I’m decently strong, but there were too many, and they had guns.”

That caused their eyes to widen.

“Guns aren’t allowed on campus, even FBI agents have to abide by that… I think this Agent Jones may be a fraud. Thank you for bringing this to my attention William. Also, don’t forget to visit that address I gave you.”

“Of course, ma’am.”

I walked past them and looked at it. Taury looked at it.

“Should we go there?”

“I think so, I have no reason to distrust her.”

I walked in the direction of the address.

We began to get less in the city.

“Hey, this is pretty far out.”

“More than that, it’s closer to Morgan’s place than the city by the looks of it.”

I nodded.

Then I saw a graveyard.

“Undead spirits don’t exist… right?”

“Not that I know, why?”

“Because it’s decently late and as of late I’ve gotten pretty superstitious.”

“Ah, but yeah, the dead don’t typically come back.”

“Good.”

I entered the graveyard, as that was the address.

“Maybe we are looking for a certain grave?”

I walked forward then I saw roots.

“What?”

I followed the root and found a tree stump carved into the shape of a tombstone.

“It’s one of Morgan’s.”

“What?”

“That wood, it definitely came from Morgan, though most people would think it a mere stylistic choice.”

“Maybe this is the grave we were supposed to find?”

“I’d say that, but the headmaster doesn’t believe in magic, so I don’t think. Read the inscription.”

“Alright… here lies…”

I froze… it read Jacob Cambell. Loving Father, Son, and Husband.

“Magic is merely another science undiscovered.”

“What about the rest of it?”

“This is the grave we are looking for.”

“How do you… it’s your father’s… isn’t it?”

“Yes… but… how did Morgan know him?”

“That is something I am curious about as well, though, it’s not like we could just straight up ask her.”

“Right, we’ll need to be smart about it, if we can figure it out, then we may be a step closer to understanding her interest in me.”

“Though, what did he mean that magic is another science?”

“He was a scientist who believed in the mystical, he claimed that if he could harvest base magic, then he could potentially discover how to recreate it.”

“Interesting idea, I assume you thought he was full of baloney?”

“When I was a kid, I thought he was an incredible scientist who could bring fairies to life or what not, but as I grew older, I thought that he was simply a ridiculous man who understood what to do when he was needed, now I understand that he simply knew more than I did.”

“Not an uncommon thing.”

Then I thought for a moment.

“Could Morgan know what happened to my mother?”

“Maybe.”

I began to walk back home and noticed that everything was blurring.

“William, are you okay?”

“Yeah…”

A tear dripped from my eye.

“I… knew he was dead for years… but it never actually felt real until I actually saw the grave.”

I fell to my knees and tears fell from my eyes.

“William…”

I began to cry and Taurael hugged me. Then she looked at the sky.

“We need to get back soon, it’s almost night.”

“I know.”

I struggled to get up.

Then we heard a snicker that caused my heart to stop.

I turned slowly and saw a demon.

He sat on a tree with a wicked smile. A pitch-black figure.

“So, you are the one that the Hunter likes to watch? Interesting. I am pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“What do you want?”

“Oh, just to know why a mere human is at a graveyard with a pixie.”

“You don’t need to know that?”

“Oh, I do actually, but oh well. I’ll just rip it from your memories after feasting on your viscera.”

He smiled.

“This could’a been a lot easier if you just told me.”

He leapt at me and Taurael flash banged him.

“Run! NOW!”

I began to run and she flew as fast as she could.

“Why is there a demon here?!”

“I don’t know.”

The demon laughed and began to chase.

He was fast, he grabbed me and I broke out of it.

He snarled and grabbed my neck again before slamming me.

“Now, want to tell me, or shall I feed on you?”

“Let him go.”

“Or what, Taurael?”

She flinched.

“Oh, surprised? The Hunter told us all about you. The last pixie outside of the Sylvian Woods. He’s too cowardly to use your name in control, though.”

“I said, let him go.”

“No, Taurael, freeze.”

She froze and landed in what sounded painful on the dirt.

She couldn’t even yelp in pain.

“Let her go.”

“Why would I, mortal?”

“Now.”

“Awe, trying to use your power on me? Please, I’m not weak-willed like that foolish flame atronach.”

“Don’t…”

“Nah, you know what, I’ll take the little Lady of the Lake and eat her first. Her magic is unique to many.”

He flashed over and snatched Taurael and got back on me before I could react. I glared at the demon.

“Ah, what’s the problem? Taurael release.”

She yelped, finally able to respond to the pain. Glowing blood spilled from a massive gash on her side.

“Ah, did you land on a rock? How tragic.”

A shadowed tongue crept from his mouth. He licked her side, glowing blood entering his mouth.

“Exquisite. I’ve not had a meal with this much magic in eons.”

“Let go of her.”

“Awe, the little human is baring his fangs. Why not let’s go another level up?”

He bit down, biting her arm off. She screeched in agony.

“Oh, and don’t look for Morgan to help you, we’re way too far for that.”

His smile showed pure evil as he leaned down over my face.

“Come on, speak. Aren’t you angry? Come on, tell me what you want to do to me.”

Then he reached to bite her head off, and I heard a snap.

Control

The demon froze, his dark eyes suddenly glowing white.

“What is it you need… master?”

His will thrashed against the word, but my anger was glowing, so I didn’t care.

Kill yourself, slowly, rip yourself to shreds to atone for the harm you have delivered upon my friend.

Then the demon began to shake, its claws growing closer to its hide. Then the tearing began. It screeched as it began to open its own stomach.

It was lashing as much as it could against my will, but my fury was too great for it to overcome.

It roared in agony as it ripped its own arm off and impaled its spine.

Finally, it fell to the ground, black tears falling from its eyes. It broke free, but it could no longer move.

I knelt next to the poor fiend.

“Please… have mercy…”

“Burn in Hell.”

It looked up rapidly as the inferno of my hatred shot from the ground into a spire of fury.

It screeched in agony, reaching towards me, begging to my humanity for my mercy, but I had none to give it.

It began cursing my name, but it was pointless. The words died on the fire as it was reduced to nothing more than dust and ashes.

I saw a rock where it once lay.

I grabbed it and felt power pulsing through it.

I knew that I could consume it, gain the power of a demon. Become much greater.

So, I did what I had to.

I picked up Taurael and stomped the stone into dust. I took off my shirt and wrapped Taury in it, hoping to block the immense bleeding.

Then, I took two steps before exhaustion overcame me, and I fell into the dust. The world turning black.


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980 Reviews


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Mon Apr 22, 2024 12:53 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the spooky S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - William finds the grave of his father, a demon comes and attempts to kill Taurael and William, but is stopped by William himself, and as it turns out, his father was right all along about magic.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that “let’s” could be deleted when the demon suggests that he and William fight, but if you disagree, then ignore this.

Chocolate Bar - Dang…William is getting pretty scary. I like it! He’d do whatever it took to save Taurael, and he’s not above killing a demon. I love seeing how he’s treating her more like a sister, it’s so touching. :>

Closing Graham Cracker - William saved Taurael from death, he destroyed the demon stone (probably for the best), and he may be more deep in magic than he initially thought. How so? That’s what I’ll have to find out in part two…

I wish you a fantastic day/night! ^v^




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235 Reviews


Points: 41092
Reviews: 235

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Wed Apr 17, 2024 3:31 pm
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RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

Woah, that chapter was intense! I didn't know how to interpret this command from the headmaster at first, but seeing how it led to a Morgan-marked gravestone of William's father, that is very interesting! Then, with the creepy arrival of the demon and its brutal attack, things took a very horror-like turn, and I quite appreciated that ~ Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

I didn't find anything to put here this time! Good writing job ~

Why The Grin Widened...

So this chapter was very well-written, and the headmaster still reads as a strange character. Whether that "strange" correlates to "suspicious" or not, I'm not sure yet, but I'm keeping an eye on her anyway >.>

Heh, anyway, William finding his father's headstone was quite a surprise! And the fact that it was marked by Morgan? Even more so! Wow, I'm already brewing theories about what this means -perhaps that Morgan was a rival of his, or maybe he was tied to the council somehow and actually respected by them. Exactly how he died, what happened to William's mother, and how they will get information out of Morgan, that much I don't know.

Beyond what this means for the story and the ongoing mystery, though, you caught the emotion of this find very well:

“I… knew he was dead for years… but it never actually felt real until I actually saw the grave.”


The staggered words here, followed by the gradual breakdown into tears as Taury tries to comfort him, was a very bittersweet moment that was well done. And the sudden interruption of it by this...

Then we heard a snicker that caused my heart to stop.


Chills! The arrival of the demon was awesome; his casual snickering at William's misery, his callous attitude, and his vivid threats made him look so creepy and so cool! Oh, and the fact that it's so much harder to use the mind control ability on him was great. I thought it proved that demons are a more formidable threat than the standard fay.

The attack was brutal. On one hand, I find myself concerned for Taury and sad that she was the target. On the other hand, especially as a horror fanatic, I quite enjoyed the touch of a gory ambush and thought it was a great way to amp things up. Speaking of gore...

Then the demon began to shake, its claws growing closer to its hide. Then the tearing began. It screeched as it began to open its own stomach.


Awesome!!! What a grizzly death, and the fact that William turned so cold just to defend Taury was a great way to show his protective nature and care toward her. Followed by the mysterious stone, Taury being left in such critical condition, and blacking out, this chapter built a lot of anticipation for what happens next.

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, great chapter, nicely done! :)

Image






Should I put a gore warning at the start of the chapter?



RavenAkuma says...


For chomping off an arm and tearing one's self to shreds, that's pretty gnarly, but you don't go into hyper-detail and these are fantasy creatures. I think it's alright, especially since there's already a 16 warning in place, but if you're unsure, I doubt it'd hurt to put up.





Alright, I was just curious what you thought.





thanks




If food is poetry, is not poetry also food?
— Joyce Carol Oates