Goblins

by TeddyButCheese

In a place of bitter cold mud where there was not a tree in sight,

something quickly ran through the puddles that were somehow not ice.

The small 3 foot tall thing that carried a rock,

had feet and a body that was evolved to run through the mud,

was running at its fullest speed.

It had green and rough like skin,

it had no fat on its humanoid boney body,

and it had sharp claws that scratched against the deep purple round and smooth rock it had found while looking for wood scrap.

This small deadly goblin had discovered a magic that could rip the strings that reality was hung upon.

After running for about 6 minutes he had arrived at a tribe's camp,

a place with small huts made of sticks and scraps.

About 9 other goblins had saw him coming and had time to wonder what Gwanshin had found out in the swamp.

When Gwanshin arrived at the camp,

he plopped the big gem onto the ground and spoke what humans would consider gibberish but in goblin tongue meant, "I found this big, gem like rock".

Then one of the others replied "Oh, cool gem, I have never seen this before".

They stared into the endless purple space that seemed to be in the rock before they started to talk about how they could use it in there tribe camp.

But as all of them turned to look at the newly named Gwurston gem,

All of the scratches from Gwanshin holding it had suddenly disappeared

They all stumbled in disbelief then took time to realize what just happened

The 3rd goblin asked "What, how does that work?".

The the 7th goblin then asked "How big of a scratch can it handle?" and tried to give it the biggest scratch she could.

But what they did not mean to do was break it.

And as they walk in NYC... They ask where in the world are they, but they are not in their world now.

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Reviews: 6

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Fri Apr 19, 2024 1:22 pm

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RangerofIthilien wrote a review...

Hello hello!
Ranger here to leave a quick review if you don’t mind!

Right off the bat I would like to say I greatly enjoyed reading this! I love the tone of the piece as a whole and how it transitions from a dreary sort of landscape to an amusing scene where the goblins try to figure out what the gem does.

I did notice a couple things that could be improved upon and so here are my critiques from what I noticed throughout the story:

he plopped the big gem onto the ground and spoke what humans would consider gibberish but in goblin tongue ment "I found this big, gem like rock".

The first thing I noticed here was a potential typo on the word “ment.” The word is usually spelled as meant so just wanted to point that out.
There are two other things that I noticed throughout the script as well.
One was the lack of punctuation between dialogue and descriptions. Often there is typically a period, comma, exclamation point, ect. in the spot right after the last word of the description right before the dialogue.
The last thing I found in this bit alone and throughout the text as well is the punctuation at the very end of the dialogue. Most of the time that punctuation goes inside the quotation marks, even if it’s ending the sentence AND dialogue.
All of these things are just simple mistakes that we all make sometimes and can be easily fixed, I just thought I would point them out.

Moving on, I absolutely love all of the description you used! I could visualize the scenes as I was reading the story, the look of the marsh, all of the goblins huddled around the gem, and more! Along the same lines of description I greatly enjoyed how you progressively described Gwanshin and didn’t even mention his name until about the middle of the story. I felt like that really helped me visualize him as a character instead of just making a mental connection to his name.
Like I said before I also really love the tone. To me it read out like a fairytale and was very pleasant.
Last but certainly not least I would like to mention the ending. It was very unexpected from the beginning and gave the piece a humorous aspect. I loved it!
In conclusion I had a great time reading this piece and I look forward to reading more like it!

Thanks for coming along with me on this review and I hope you have a great day!
Bye for now!
-Ranger

TeddyButCheese says...

Thank you for the advise, Love this feedback!

Points: 1500
Reviews: 6

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Fri Apr 19, 2024 1:20 pm

RangerofIthilien says...

Goblins was a fun name for this!

Points: 254663
Reviews: 4106

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Wed Apr 17, 2024 5:05 pm

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KateHardy wrote a review...

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This was a cute little piece here. A very short little tale of this goblin and I think you did it quite well. The plot was rather simple but I think you executed it really quite well here and it makes for quite a fun tale.

Anyway let's get right to it,

In a place of bitter cold mud where there was not a tree in sight,

something quickly ran through the puddles that were somehow not ice.

The small 3 foot tall thing that carried a rock,

had feet and a body that was evolved to run through the mud,

was running at its fullest speed.

It had green and rough like skin,

it had no fat on its humanoid boney body,

and it had sharp claws that scratched against the deep purple round and smooth rock it had found while looking for wood scrap.

Oooh this is a lovely little bit of description to start us off. Immediately gives us a great idea of exactly what our protagonist here looks like and what they happen to be doing at the moment. Its a great place to start proceedings here. Quite nicely done there.

This small deadly goblin had discovered a magic that could rip the strings that reality was hung upon.

After running for about 6 minutes he had arrived at a tribe's camp,

a place with small huts made of sticks and scraps.

About 9 other goblins had saw him coming and had time to wonder what Gwanshin had found out in the swamp.

When Gwanshin arrived at the camp,

he plopped the big gem onto the ground and spoke what humans would consider gibberish but in goblin tongue ment "I found this big, gem like rock".

Oooh looks our protagonist has found something interesting and was running back to his tribe to let them know about it. This is a cool little moment and we're getting even more context on our protagonist and what it is that they do and who it is that they are.

Then one of the others replied "Oh, cool gem, I have never seen this before".

They stared into the endless purple space that seemed to be in the rock before they started to talk about how they could use it in there tribe camp.

But as all of them turned to look at the newly named Gwurston gem,

All of the scratches from Gwanshin holding it had suddenly disappeared

They all stumbled in disbelief then took time to realize what just happened

The 3rd goblin asked "What, how does that work?".

The the 7th goblin then asked "How big of a scratch can it handle?" and tried to give it the biggest scratch she could.

But what they did not mean to do was break it.

And as they walk in NYC... They ask where in the world are they, but they are not in their world now.

Well this is quite the development to end on. ALready quite surprising to see a gem that can't be scratched but that ending when naturally the most logical course of action in trying to see how many scratches it could take was done is definitely quite the surprising ending there. I think its a lovely little twist here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this is a lovely little tale here. I think you've done a wonderful job putting that together. It really brings these goblins to life and makes for a neat little tale. Now I want to know what happens next.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate

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Goblins

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