Hello Again, My Friend!
Firstly, I love the circus theme you're building up here, and how this is becoming a sort of series ~
This was a great follow-up to Circus Freak, too! It adds a more somber atmosphere to the portrayal of the circus, and the mention of the "Circus Freak" having blood on their hands makes it especially eerie. The idea of the Rose being something precious, but also having thorns and hurting her, speaks to the underlying theme of toxic romance mentioned in the first piece, but this one seems to be more about the struggle to get over and away from it, rather than the method or that sense of power and overcoming it all. Which is great, as it's building layers onto this story. Of course, this is just how I could interpret it, I could be way off, because I am not great with these themes (but I'm trying to get better lol).
*ahem, and as for a more technical review...I remember you did request me to try to be more vocal about recommendations I would have, so let's try this again and see how it goes lol.
Again, I struggle to find anything to complain about, because these lyrics are just so cool! The main thing I could point to would be perhaps a touchup on grammar and formatting. For example, "She's" and the possessive "rose's" are missing the apostrophe at some points, lines like "don't come back here, this ain't your home" might be cool italicized to add emphasis and imply an echo effect, and things might flow a bit better if you decide to punctuate your lines. Putting commas or semicolons where lines lead into each other, periods where you want a break, etcetera. But of course, that aspect of lyrical and poetry writing can be pretty subjective so be wary of that.
And of course, I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt.
I really like the flower language going on here. I mean, I don't know if it was intentional, but with the rose (the classic red one anyway) representing love and romance, and the sunflower representing adoration and loyalty, I thought it was really cool that they fit the theme so well.
And for favorite lines, it'd be hard to pick. I really liked the ending of the chorus, with the message for the Rose on her grave, and the thorns scraping her heart "one too many times." That was really cool, and I also enjoyed this bit:
but the thorns really sting, and the [sunflower's] petals soon turned red
Finally she said "that hurts" it was time to crush the rose until she was dead
Again, the idea of a sunflower (adoration and loyalty) turning red, becoming the symbol of romance (in this case, a toxic and painful romance) was a really cool moment of symbolism that I enjoyed.
Overall, great work here, nicely done!
Points: 41903
Reviews: 242
Donate