z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

The day we met

by Madisonstephens


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

1.



Simone-

I love the feeling of nature, the fresh air, the smell of flowers and the feeling you get when you walk out of your house after a long night and you feel that nice sunny heat shining down on you.

"MEGAN, you get back here!" I yelled out to my best friend, I had known Megan since I was five, she knows me like the scalp on her head.

We first met in kindergarten I was anxious and scared to be the only kid there who hadn't went through time in pre-school, my parents never had time to actually take me and to lazy to hire a driver, They always said and I quote "pre-school is just one of those money hassles they use to get you to pay a lot for it when you don't even need it."

Sadly my parents have always been like that, luckily I had Megan by my side, there through it all. After elementary we stayed going to the same middle school, then high school, our last year of High school school might have been the best year for us.

We strangely became popular because people thought we were so called... pretty, I didn't get it either but it didn't matter to us, after high school my parents were going to send me to this rich private college in our home town, but with Megan's help they agreed to the deal that after I go to college with Megan for the next 4 years, I'd have to come and take over the dumb family business.

"Megan, I swear to god if you don't give it back I'm going to rip your extensions out!" I chased her

"do you know how much these cost, and besides what do you need it for anyway got any dirty pics on this or something!" She snarled as she ran with my phone, I tackled her, jumping right on her back.

Eliza and Elise walked up to us "seriously, again?, this is like the third time this week and it's Thursday!" Elise giggled.

"yea, you guys fight way to much for us to handle." said Eliza, Elise and Eliza are twins, paternal. we met them on our first day of college, once we spotted them me and Megan immediately knew that we were all going to be the best of friends.

"Well if you tell this conniving witch here to stop fucking taking my phone, maybe things would be different." I laughed still pinning her arms behind her back as I sat right on top of her.

"The bell is going to ding soon and I'm not trying to be late to class again! Simone get off of Megan and lets all just go" Elise demanded from me "fine, fine, fine" I raised my hands up in surrender, getting off of Megan and grabbing my bag.

Soon enough the bell dung and we had 3 minutes to get to class, Megan got up from the ground and the four of us ran like the wind to our next class.

After that class we all just hung out in the courtyard, I sat on the ground settling my tote backpack in place for where my head was going to go, "are you seriously sleeping right now? come play frisbee with us." Megan yelled to me as she threw the frisbee to Eliza. "I didn't get much sleep last night because SOMEONE kept texting me all night long." She rolled her eyes.

I laid my head down and turned over on my stomach, I looked to the left of me and to my NOT surprise I see Niyah Anderson once again proving she is the schools biggest whore, excuse my language but she is, and we all know it.

Its only the second year of college, not to mention the 1st month and she's already hooked up with about 40 percent of the guys here, so you've got to admit that she's pretty much of a whore.

I buried my head into my arms, closed my eyes to try to fall asleep so I can hopefully stay awake for the next lecture, soon ten, twenty, and thirty minutes passed, I still had my arms crossed, my head in them and eyes closed, still trying to fall asleep, then all of sudden I feel something heavy kick a little higher than my side.

"Megan, I swear to god if that was you!-" I jumped up out of pain, only to find that the idiot who tripped over me wasn't Megan but some actual idiot who tripped over me.

"Excuse me! watch where you're going!" I yelled out to to him while gripping my back side because of the pain. "I'm sorry, but what are you doing laying right in the middle of the grass!!"

He yelled back at me, I look down to see his phone in his hand, gripping it tightly. "Well maybe if you managed to stay off your phone while walking you would've been able to see me sleeping!!"

"I don't have time for this lady, I have to get to class, sorry if I hurt your back but I really couldn't care less right now, catch ya later!" He yelled out has he got up from the ground and ran away.

"Augh! what an ass" I scowled dusting myself off as Megan, Eliza and Elise walk over to me carrying their bags, "wow~ who was that, he was cute and just your type, riight??" Megan smirked and smiled as she teased me.

"No! he was an asshole that tripped over me, hurt my back side, then took a run for it, what a jerk!"

Although she's not completely wrong... he was just my type, but that's not the point. He's still a pompous ass and a coward for running away.

"None of that matters now, you've been laying there quite a while and the next lecture is about to start, grab your things and get up so were not almost late again." Eliza sneered at me. "alright jeez, you know sometimes I feel like your mean sister is rubbing off on you...not a good thing."

I dragged out my words, moving my pointer finger in a motion that says no, we could hear Megan and Elise laughed in the background. "5 minutes till they're going to ding the bell, lets go, y'all know how the professor can be!"

Megan shouted, even though we all know the real reason she wants to get to the lecture on time, ever since Megan first laid her eyes on professor Layla she has been obsessed over her, at this point I think she might be in love with her, she's always drooling over her, even Eliza can see it, and she's pretty much brain dead when it comes to romance.

Me personally I've never needed love in my life, never received it anyway so why start now, well of course that doesn't apply to the most kindest, sweetest guy I'd ever met, Anthony... I swooned.


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13 Reviews


Points: 203
Reviews: 13

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Sun Apr 28, 2024 12:28 pm
ThekingsAdvisor wrote a review...



This story feels like a peek into a day in the life of Simone and her friends. Simone seems to really enjoy the outdoors and hanging out with her friends, especially Megan. They've been friends since they were little, which is pretty cool.

I like how Simone talks about her parents and how they've always been kind of lazy and cheap. It adds some background to her character and helps you understand where she's coming from. It's sweet that Megan convinced Simone's parents to let her go to college with her instead of going to a fancy private school.

The part where Simone gets mad at the guy who tripped over her is funny. She's really feisty and doesn't take any nonsense from anyone. But then Megan and her other friends tease her about the guy being cute, which is kind of funny too.

It's interesting to see how Simone and her friends interact with each other. They seem really close and have a lot of fun together. I'm curious to see what else happens in their lives and how Simone's crush on Anthony plays out.

Overall really great work.

GOOD JOB




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9 Reviews


Points: 63
Reviews: 9

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Sun Apr 28, 2024 2:15 am
Logan15 wrote a review...



Hi!
First off, this is a really good idea you have here!
I like the way you start this out by describing something that the character likes. I also love how you tied in not being able to go to preschool. I never went, and things like that help the reader understand the character better.
I would suggest combining the paragraph that introduces Niyah Anderson and the one after that (“It’s only the second year…”). The point of a paragraph is to group together like ideas and sentences (excluding dialogue) to be more condensed. This would help it group ideas together and look at tiny bit more professional. It’s just a small thing, though, and it doesn’t take much away from the whole piece.
You have a lot of good, modern expressions in the piece. Elongated vowels for showing the dragging out of a word, modern sayings, so that really shows that it’s in current times. I also like how you wrote this from the point of view of people who were popular during their school years, which is something I don't know much about so I'm glad I got to learn a bit about it from this.
My advice would be to add more expressive words. Describe things a little bit more. You add details well, like how you explained that once Simone and Megan saw Eliza and Elise, they knew they’d be good friends. Even with the small details, like how Eliza giggled, describe it a little. How did she giggle? What can it be compared to? Don’t do this for every detail, but some of them is good.
I’m curious to see what the “dumb family business” is! If it’s not necessary to keep it a secret for now, I’d suggest saying that Simone thinks it’s something, but isn’t sure. It would really show that Simone doesn’t care about it.
Overall, it’s a really nice piece and I adore the idea. The only comments I had were very technical and nit-picky so I won’t include them here.
I love the cliffhanger ending! It really left me wanting more. I’m eager to see more if you post another part to this. It’s a really good piece, and it’s very interesting to read!
Keep up the good work! You got this!
Have a wonderful day/night!





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