Young Writers Society

Essa looked at her lover, Dusk,
And spoke in hushed whispers about ferris wheels,
And sea cliffs -- haunted places she dared not to go, just then,
For fear that she would be followed by the lingering whisper of an echo
Of a ghost saying "turn back", a blue eyed shadow
Whispering the future into her eyelids
As they split open in violent storms.

But Dusk did not speak,
Just closed his arm around her tighter,
For there was really nothing to say.

And Essa swung gently back and forth,
Salt stinging her cheeks,
Still confusing cigarette smoke
For seraphims.

I like it...

You clarified the little moments..

Whispering the future into her eyelids
As they split open in violent storms.

This the part I like the most, well thought...

And yess it's beautiful

Beautiful. I love the atmosphere. Well done.

Thanks!

I can't think of anything to change, it's absolutely funderful.

Mm... me likey.

Great job.

absolutely loved it! really loved the last two lines.

cheers
PM

very pretty.. what everybody else said only i am more suky-uppy so like i mean it more than them!

I don't like most poems I read. I liked this one. Since this is supposed to be critique though, I'll come up with something. I think the name Dusk sounds like a character in a comic book. But then, I only think that because I know someone who plays the video game City of Heroes and that is his superhero's name. Maybe it's just bad association. ::shrugs::