Young Writers Society

Sometimes your poem did not rhyme but still the use of your words make it good.
What I dont like about your poem is its concept. Bit confusing apart from that its good.
I hope I'm not harsh.

I so liked it!!!
First of all the picture. Sooo good. It gives us the idea of the poem before we could even start to read it.
I just got confused in this part:

SteppinRazor wrote:Always more then one way to abuse.

Are you sure it is not "than"?

SteppinRazor wrote:Poisoned by him,

With words of hate,

[u]Made to do things[/u],

Taking his bait.

I really don't know if I got it right. Maybe it was the commas, I don't know... I kept thinking "who/what made?"

And one last thing:

SteppinRazor wrote:Fish out of water,

Didn't know who's side to take,

What the hell was going on,

Where had the good in him gone.

I so LOOOOVED this part!!!

So... Congratulations!! Let us hear from you again soon.

Ok so I'm absolutely in love with the concept and and emotion that comes with this piece. It's amazing!! Any changes i make (SUGGEST!!) will be in blue

Many stories,

I choose one to describe,

My life in your hands,

Amazing I'm alive. (No still)

I felt like a failure,

Always down; digging a deeper hole,

Here goes my tale of the little girl unforgiven.

_____________________

Growing up sad and confused,

Always more than one way of abuse.

Nor physical, or beaten,

But emotionally eaten.


Poisoned by him,

With words of hate,

Made to do things,

Taking his bait.



Fish out of water,

Didn't know who's side to take,

What the hell was going on,

Where had the good in him gone.


Deceived and betrayed,

She believed every "I love you",

And stuck by without question or complaint,

Everything good and harmless he would paint,

And make her believe he was forever,

In the end he was her never.


Regret and guilt,

All that she feels,

For all the bad she caused,

As the walls begin to build,

She hides behind,

Heart unfilled.


She grew and grew,

With a distorted find,

She was innocent,

But not her mind.

Ok all I can say now is that you really should ditch the rhyming. I realized it as I was editing and it is NOT smooth. I like the words so far and the concept but the only big thing, like I said, is the rhymimg.