Yep... you're right. I tried to make it sound okay though!
Coincidentally, the next song I wrote was "I HATE POETRY."
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
how sad the human race must be! or maybe its the writers of this world....i cant beleive i laughed at the end! poor wittle birdy! but honestly that was fantasic, now everytime i see a bird im going to have images of it falling out the sky. What are the odds? when i wrote that a bird flew past my window! alright, this site is turning me into a truly sad person, just kidding. Really loved it snoink! \:D/ (theres no birdy emoticon!) lol i love that word!
Trying to survive "sweet sixteen."
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<love> is sweet -suicide- and {[you]} are my LATEST a.t.t.e.m.p.t
What a beautiful little poem! I really enjoyed and savoured every word of it! You described the bluebird perfectly in the first stanza or two, and didn't spend too much time on that, which was good. I also liked how the poem spoke about "no true freedom", and the disagreement between you and the person you're with made the poem very interesting to read.
I do agree, it is a bit sing-songish. I felt like I could probably make up a tune, and sing the poem to it. I really liked the feeling of being able to sing this. I loved the rhyming too, no line was too long or too short, it rhymed perfectly. The timing of the poem was spot-on! You go it right! Don't add anothers line or stanza, or take-away another line or stanza, because this is timed to perfection.
I really loved the last stanza. It made me giggle a bit. When both of you look at each other and not one more word was said. I think what made me giggle was the awkwardness you two would have felt. But, the concept and timing of the poem was what I adored and drove the poem to perfection!
This is definitely one of my favourites! Best wishes for future writing!
This is a really, really nice poem! I absolutely loved it!!! It's very Inspiring to me and really made me think about life again. I think that's also what it's kind of meant to do... It actually really reminds me of a poem I wrote, it has some similarities... Anyway this has really impressed me and i hope i'll be able to read something like this again from you, I enjoyed it that much! Happy writing... Skermitz
"Not all those who wander are lost." - J.R R Tolkien - "real lies realize real lies" "Wealth is a poor minds desire" "Fall in love, not in line"
I know this poem has a lot of reviews but I couldn't help myself and I'm sure one more doesn't a matter.
This poem had such a wonderful flow to it and I could picture the nice day watching a blue bird so well.
I was not really expecting the ending when the bluebird got shot, and I think it shows that your poem means there is no true freedom.
If I had to choose a favourite stanza then it would be the end one. I think this poem was extremely well written and you did an awesome job! It was a great read.
Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.
Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014 Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015 Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015
I tried to make it sound okay though!
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