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Young Writers Society


Bone-White Responsibility Skeletons



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205 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 205
Mon Apr 25, 2005 9:26 pm
PsyLynx says...



4-23-05

With stars, low and rolling
and night, high and boiling
with crashes of silent thunder
strumming his electrified mind,
are awakened new days,
old nights, the ancient splendor
of timeless defeats;
he embraces freedom again.

Freedom!
to an old child’s cry,
Freedom!
with compassion burning,
compassing singing
with the singeing flames
of a world wrapped in this morning’s hidden rays;
freedom in a body ever-dying,
ever-screaming,
tempered children crying–
before the crazy-good Buddha’s eyes;
he’s free.

He looks up, up into the rolling sky
and he knows that primordial storm-cloud fear;
he sees the laws, spewed out
across the pie-crust-cut Earth,
feels the beat of its weariness shimmer-shudder
throughout his hollow, charcoaled matter-body;
he hears that truth that dances ‘cross the sky,
the truths of his past are haunting,
the sins of his hands regrouping,
he feels his weakness raging anew.

And in this defeated moment’s dark lesions,
he screams it away, repents his worst dealings,
succumbs to a flatter, future world-view.
And the flag of freedoms
smolders brightly and hotly, into infinite
dead and silent, grim and honest,
harsh and obnoxious, weeping; ever weeping
and never quite pained, never quite sleeping,
dead feelings;
He awakes undead, within the never-stirring,
ever-grinning grounds
of steel cemetery bars.
  





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148 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 148
Tue Apr 26, 2005 2:01 am
ohhewwo says...



Holy mother of Allah, God, Jesus, Shiva, Vishnu, Bramah, Moses, and of course, Buddha combined, this was awesome.

I loved the rhythm, how it drived and flowed. It was marvelous.

The Buddha line was great.

This was just an awesome freakin' piece, great job!
  





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321 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 321
Tue Apr 26, 2005 8:22 am
Liz says...



Not the most original of ideas but that was completely overriden by the fact that you portayed it so uniquely. You captured the scene, the emotion, everything really well. Good work.
purple sneakers
  





User avatar
205 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 205
Tue Apr 26, 2005 8:53 pm
PsyLynx says...



do you think that the ending lays the rhythm on too thick?
  





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176 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 176
Mon May 23, 2005 4:31 pm
Muse says...



no, i think its just right. I dont really have much to say, apart from it was a great piece of work. well done!
  








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