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A Mass of Swirling Water



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75 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 75
Sat Sep 10, 2005 2:05 am
forest_ofthe_nightingale says...



A Mass of Swirling Water

It came as our death sentence,
a huge, spinning mass,
swirling in circles, tummeling in sheets
of death, like daggers,
a million tiny daggers destroying us

It drove us apart, conquering us,
that mass of swirling water.
It forced us to ask questions,
to wonder where the life had gone,
where the city itself had gone.

Where were the people,
those that had stood behind us,
those that had taught us,
those that had helped us,
where were they now?

And the mass of swirling water brought us an answer
to the questions it had so cleverly forced upon us.
And it came with the corpses,
the rotting bodies of the people,
unburied, unknown.

We had lost yet another game to Nature,
who had so deviously played her hand,
defeating our technology as she always did.
For it was in that mass of swirling water
that she played her final card...
and won.

A lesson to be learned from New Orleans.
Last edited by forest_ofthe_nightingale on Sat Sep 24, 2005 11:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake... unless it's to remind him that he won't fail... he just won't kill you.
  





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657 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 6523
Reviews: 657
Fri Sep 23, 2005 11:23 pm
Jennafina says...



Wow! Nice job!

Some parts seem a wee bit forced, but apart from that, I really like it.

Especially this.

We had lost yet another game to Nature,
who had so deviously played her hand,
defeating our technology as she always did.
For it was in that mass of swirling water
that she played her final card...
and won.
Jennafina's Love Your Body Already Dammit Campaign

forum353.html

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User avatar
657 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 6523
Reviews: 657
Fri Sep 23, 2005 11:23 pm
Jennafina says...



Wow! Nice job!

Some parts seem a wee bit forced, but apart from that, I really like it.

Especially this.

We had lost yet another game to Nature,
who had so deviously played her hand,
defeating our technology as she always did.
For it was in that mass of swirling water
that she played her final card...
and won.
Jennafina's Love Your Body Already Dammit Campaign

forum353.html

(To find out what it really is, just click.)
  





User avatar
50 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 50
Sat Sep 24, 2005 6:48 am
mystical*dragons says...



this was great...i rarely like poems...and i just loved this...just one typo though...corpes should be corpse...anyway...great job!
  








Why do we only rest in peace? Why don't we live in peace too?
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