hola yo hablo muy bien el espanol, pero soy malisima en escribiendo ^^ I liked your poem very much, its very charming and well written. i caught myself smiling at some of the parts. over all its very cute.
I thought at first that I'd critique it in Spanish, but I won't for a couple of reasons: my Spanish is not advanced enough, vocabulary-wise, to articulate my thoughts as clearly as I would wish, and secondly because it was written when you were much younger, so any points I'd make would be ill-suited to the innocence with which the poem is clearly told.
So, yes, like Firestarter, I will simply lend you some thoughts - my first being to ask if you usually write in Spanish (and if so, whether you might PM me some more recent poems!). Also, having read Neruda in Spanish, I disagree that English translations do him much justice; I think the Spanish language just has such a fluidity, such a wet-rolling beauty to it that dry, dusty English just does not adequately capture. Basically? I liked this poem much better in Spanish. Of course, that may in part be due to my infamiliarity with the language that makes even the most mundane of analogies seem wondrous, simply because I have never seen them written that way before, added to the fact that the rhyme simply does not work in English and the enjambment seems a tad off (well, that is, when compared to the original).
Despite its blatant simplicity, there was something very sweet about the last image; more so since it was written when younger (or at least, the narration quite obviously shows that) and has this free-banner, runaway kind of free-footed innocence to it.
Omygosh Solvy this poem is not ridiculous! I love it so much it's probably my favourite! I wish I was that talented when I was younger. On a September night, I was on the balcony; watching the moon half empty smiling with pain. A shooting star that there appeared, in the palm of my hand chatterbox sat. ....and said "The moon smiles sad because one part is missing the part of his beloved that no longer writes her letters." Confused and desperate, I threw the star to the sea where she found a dolphin with whom she could talk. "Hi! How are you? I fell in love with the moon, but she can't see me, because I don't have light and she'll never notice me. She doesn't know me and she will not, because when the sun comes she will hide fast. And the star said:"Buddy, I can help you, if you carry me in your back she'll get to see you. "When they got to know each other ,and they saw their differences the moon jumped in his arms with a strange innocence. The dolphin fulfill(ed) his dreams, and the moon was full, the star went back to the sky, and wrote a poem.
May all your bacon BURN! ~Calcifer "Howl's Moving Castle"
Well, well, well, it seems you were quite talented when you were 12, assuming you've gotten better since then, you've gotta be a hell of a poet now. I read the rough translation in English and it was a good idea, but reading it in Spanish was outstanding, it was very creative, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Keep Writing!
Hi, I know this poem was posted quite a while ago but I stumbled across it and just HAD to comment! I ADORE this poem it's the cutest thing ever and makes me glad I know spanish ~Megan
~Una palabra no dice nada y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo~ Carlos Varela
I loved this poem. I'm learning Spanish at the moment and was basically over the moon when I realised I was able to understand some bits of it. It was a really cute poem though! So sweet! I'm twelve now and I would've been proud if I had written this poem. And it doesn't sound any worse in English, trust me. It's just as wonderful.
Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.
Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014 Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015 Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015
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