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Young Writers Society


Music and fury



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Gender: Female
Points: 668
Reviews: 131
Sun Sep 11, 2011 8:04 pm
DukeofWonderland says...



Black, Peppermint, ballet-flats;
white, couture, purse in hand;
the black skinny jeans,
the silver-grey tunic,
all seem to match in-
an odd puzzle still lasts.
Walking down an empty alley,
in L.A. she taps,
to the rhythm on her mind,
deep yet flat:
singing isn’t her talent-
she knows that-
her headscarf hides
the earphones at the back-
an epitome of elegance
she’s been taught to be,
but is rap the true her?
She wonders as she repeats:
I'm not afraid- To take a stand- Everybody- come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm-
Whatever weather, cold or warm-
Just let tin you know that, you're not alone.

Far from home,
she still believes
she’s not alone-
on her journey
‘Not far from home.’
She repeats-
she knows delusions
are all she believes.
The life she’s left behind,
she’s happy is gone,
the confusion that overshadowed her there,
is no longer around.
Yes, it was all she’d had up until now,
but a new chapter begins-
she’s proud she got out.:
Cause I ain't playin around-
It's a game called circle and I don't know how,
I'm way too up to back down -
But I think I'm still tryin to figure this crap out.


Frustration that’s crashed,
agitation expounded-
the past still prevails though,
the open wound’s clotted-
‘Oh, it’s all so gone, so yesterday.
I have a new life now, starting today’
But yesterday still haunts her,
the paranoia’s still there,
and yesterday her heart screamt
the same lyrics as today:
And I just can't keep living this way -
So starting today,
I'm breaking out of this cage -
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons -
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground -
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up -
Time to put my life back together right now! (now).


Fist clashing against her palm,
fury boiling somewhere down her heart,
‘Self-restraint’ she repeats again,
the lamppost beside her is what she imitates. ‘
That ain’t so bad, I’ll shine in on someone’ I
sn’t that what she’s been doing? Covering up for them all,
‘Self-centered, self-serving, selfish lausers I knew,
why’d I flipping waste my breath trying to save you.
You blamed everything on me:
from your break up to your C.’
And she still played the mule
to carry her misery.
‘Oh, it’s all so gone, so yesterday.
I have a new life now, starting today.’

‘It’s a beautiful night
and I’m on my way
to the better life
that’s waiting to commence:
lift the whole liquor counter up-
Cause I'm raising the bar -
I'd shoot for the moon but I'm too busy gazin at stars -
I feel amazing and I'm-
I’m not afraid-
To take a stand.’


She’s always been there
to fight for the weak,
‘I never threw you under the bus,
Sharon why me?
Were we ever really friends
to you, to start with?’
But she’ll repeat to herself,
‘Self-restraint’-
that’s the way she’s lived life up until today.:
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn -
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts -
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry-
But that's alright…….

‘God, I hate this Rihanna portion,’
and silently she wondered why.
She wanted to change the new song,
but she fast- forwarded in spite,
‘All that I believed as friends,
it hurts- was never real,
it’s sad people exist- people so surreal.
And she’d still come back,
crying after her fights,
to me- to us
and we still cared for her sight:
You don't get another chance-
Life is no Nintendo game


I wish I would’ve told her that,
before she played her next game-
you made sure I never went for him again,
you messed everything I ever wanted.
But I still believe you when you return with your tears,
I believe in true friendship whether it exists or doesn’t’
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie,
I love the way you lie.

‘Oh, it’s all so gone, so yesterday.
I have a new life now, starting today.’
And saying that she pulls the luggage her way,
her dormitory looks good-
she’s found her happy place.
"The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it
regularly went cuckoo."
-- Terry Pratchett, "Wyrd Sisters"
  





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6 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 905
Reviews: 6
Sun Sep 11, 2011 8:31 pm
Secrets13 says...



Wow I really like this piece! I really liked the flow and the rythym or it and I also liked how you used other lyrics in the poem, but it still fit into your piece.
Walking down an empty alley, in L.A. she taps, to the rhythm on her mind, deep yet flat:


This stanza here was kinda hard to follow at first because the rhythm changes.

Fist clashing against her palm, fury boiling somewhere down her heart, Self-restraint she repeats again, the lamppost beside her is what she imitates.


Somelines you rhyme every other like in a ABAC format and then other times you forget the rhyming completely so it doesn't flow as weel as it should. So my advice would be either keep a rhyme format or keep it plain.

I really like the last couple of sections because I could really relate to it and knew exactly what you were talking about about and I could feel the emotion in it.

Other than that a job well-done!
Every answer is only a question away.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 668
Reviews: 131
Wed Oct 05, 2011 7:31 pm
DukeofWonderland says...



51 Views- 1 comment- and all my friends read this- God! nehu, I love this piece of my work:D
"The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it
regularly went cuckoo."
-- Terry Pratchett, "Wyrd Sisters"
  





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42 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1422
Reviews: 42
Fri Oct 07, 2011 3:16 pm
alabasterwolveness says...



Ok first off this is really confusing! Your chioce of words can be better as well as the flow of the format. Sadly... I could barely understand this let alone want to read the rest of it! Its way to long and the verses arent very well put at all. The flow of the story/poem wasnt able to be read nor followed. Your poem bounced around from subject to subject. Its so hard to understand what your trying to say or trying to get across!

...Yupp

~Randi (Alabaster) & Morgan (Alabaster's friend)
~Lady Death~
Down in the dark, alone at night. Bleeding and Torn... Broken in the light
  








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