Young Writers Society

I found her lying in the river bed on a blanket of ash.
A flurry of dust and embers circling above and around her.
She was still. Her hair, a stream of mahogany, draped across her olive face,
a grace I had never before seen.

Her eyelashes fluttered as I toed closer to her, laced with pearls.
She had been crying.
I gathered soft leaves, pastel tones, the shade of her heart, and wiped
the web of tears and dirt from her face.

“Why are you crying?”

“I care too much, and it whittles me down to the wind. I am thinned by love.”
She rolled her eyes from the dirt, up to meet my own.
“Why are you comforting me?”
she was weathered and pale, her voice was
but a breeze.

“I do not want love to leave the world.”

Her eyes softened and her skin began to glow.
Her hands swept across my face like fire and left me, for a moment, blind.
“Listen.”

I plucked my ears to the air and waited.
Through the blanket of darkness I began to hear a harp.
It did not come to me through sound, though I could hear it.
It came in whispers and strings of gold.

It danced and twirled before us and leapt inside of me.
I was aflame. A swirling mass of colour, an orchestra on fire.

“Love can set the flames on us, but I will not fly from it.
I am protected by love, and yet am mauled by it.
Love is dangerous, and it is home.
I will love you though the fear of burning haunts me.
And with love we will make the world beautiful again”

Wow where do i start with this poem, this is a great piece i haven't seen a such a powerful poem in such a long time
Your stanzas are beautifully structured which highlights the words, the emotion and the thought you've put in this poem

"Her eyelashes fluttered as I toed closer to her, laced with pearls.
She had been crying.
I gathered soft leaves, pastel tones, the shade of her heart, and wiped
the web of tears and dirt from her face."


I Wanted to highlight this part because to me it was the highlight of the whole poem, this is because your description is second to none, i could see the whole paragraph folding out in my head.

The second sentence of this stanza shows me the beauty of the poem, the words are perfect as it felt like ingredients
on how to help the girl back to her feet.

I Also want to state that you can get much better by every poem you write, My opinion of your poem wont be the same opinion of someone else.

So well done and keep on writing.

This was actually a great poem that I have read all day! I like the mood it sets, the way the words are placed and choiced by the poet. The way the verses flow from one to the other, its very good! Even though Im only a story writer, I can understand this poem very well and its easy for me to understand what you are trying to get across and what you see in your own point of view! I probably have a few things I could pick out just to be critical but really... Its all so good and I think its perfect the way it is! I hope you keep on writing more poems with great emotion just like this one! I'd love to read some more, mind messaging me when you post another? Hope so! Thanks!

~~Randi (Alabaster)

I love this poem. The language is exceptional. Such unique, graceful descriptions create beautiful mental scenes. Every word fits really well with the natural theme. Fantastic. The second stanza is perfect by the way. No complaints at all. Thanks.