Young Writers Society

It’s so easy, you’re alone
Close your eyes and world is gone
Not to love and not be loved
And to cry in silence

It’s so easy to pretend
Make a world inside your head
Where the shadow is your friend
No one else is there

It’s so easy to forget
How to hope and to regret
To let go of faded thoughts
Lose yourself in darkness

It’s so easy, but my friend
I am here to hold your hand
Do no fear, walk with me
I will show you wonders

Just remember, hold on tight
Squeeze my hand with all your might
Let not doubt be in your mind
I’ll be always by your side

It’s so easy, you’re alone
Close your eyes and world is gone
Not to love and not be loved
And to cry in silence [First off, I don't think this should begin with 'And'. Also, this line doesn't flow as smooth as the rest of it. Maybe there aren't enough syllables to fit with the rest of the stanza? It just kinda cuts off.]

It’s so easy to pretend
Make a world inside your head
Were [Where] the shadow is your friend
No one else is there [I really like this stanza ]

It’s so easy to forget
How to hope and to regret
To let go of faded thoughts
Lose you self [yourself] in darkness

It’s so easy, but my friend
I am here to hold your hand
Do no fear fly with me [Whaaa? I don't get this? Is it just because of a typo?]
I will show you wonders

Just remember, hold on tight
Squeeze my hand with all your might
Let not doubt be in your mind
I’ll be always there [Okay, this seems like a really abrupt and blunt way to end it. It just stops. The last line is really choppy and doesn't really fit here. You should try to work on your ending.]

So, this was good, and I enjoyed reading it, but I didn't really get what it was supposed to be about. It was a little confusing as well. You should try to clarify what your point is here.

Anyway, good job and keep working on it
~Tayla

I liked this but I do have some nitpicks.
Parts like this:

Just remember, hold on tight
Squeeze my hand with all your might
Let not doubt be in your mind

Flow perfectly. While the flow was completly messed up when you said

I’ll be always there

There were other parts like this, and I think it would have been better if everything held the same beat. The first part had the same beat, "Just remember, hold on tight/squeeze my hand with all your might/let no doubt be in your mind..." But then it was thrown off by the last line. This is the only part that I'm really focusing on but there were a few other places that had the same issue. I liked the story behind the poem, because I tend to fall into such places many many times, but the way you said it was a bit off. I think if you just re read it and fix it up in a few places it would be perfect. Good luck in all your endevers,