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I see.



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70 Reviews


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Points: 1778
Reviews: 70
Mon Oct 03, 2011 12:28 am
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WrittenInStone says...



Spoiler! :
Hi, if you've read any of my previous poems I'm sure you'll know that I don't usually write things that are cliche or non-inspiring. If you haven't read any of my poems then I strongly advise you to read a few such as "A single wish" and "Do not fear" those are two poems that I treasure above all others. This one, too, has come to mean alot to me and I hope you take the time to read it and give me a tad bit of constructive criticism. I just wrote it, so it's raw and if you're wondering I was indeed listening to "Open your eyes" by Snow Patrol. It helped a little with what I was going for - this poem is something that alot of you need to understand;; so many people just let their voice die in their throats when it is most needed, and other times when you speak you're reprimanded. I want you all to understand that you have to believe in yourself to achieve anything -- if you want to speak up then believe you can.
If you don't like this poem, tell me why, tell me how I can reach out to you;; and what kind of poems you like to read, I'll make it happen. If you liked this poem, give me some positive feedback and tell me why;; what made you like it and did it encourage you to feel as I feel?
Thank you, if you read this then I advise you to put a smiley face (:]) at the top of your comment.

^ You are advised to read this, but it is not mandatory.

I see.

"I see," said the blind man,
whose gaze never wavered.
He saw what others did not,
each image he did savour.

"I hear," spoke the deaf,
his tone forever sure.
His eyes tracing lips,
imagined to be his cure.

"I speak," signed the mute,
hands forever in motion.
A smile as he speaks,
with such utter devotion.

"Open your eyes," says he.
"Listen closely," says the man.
"Speak up," says the world.
"Believe that you can."
To fly away on gossamer wings, sheer as night's reflective glow, I would could I cradle child hecate to my breast.

|| Wisp. ||
  





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Mon Oct 03, 2011 12:32 am
hunterXkira says...



Very, VERY good. I honestly cannot say anything bad about this.
{Pray to your god, open your heart. Whatever you do, don't be afraid of the dark. Cover your eyes, the devil's inside. One night... of the Hunter.}
  





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Mon Oct 03, 2011 1:21 am
Laurence Branson says...



Wow. This was very good.
I don't really like poems but I liked this one because it was simple and yet clever (especially the last stanza, putting it all together). Good work!
The worse thing I can be is the same as everybody else.
A.S.
  





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Mon Oct 03, 2011 1:36 am
Mickeystwin33 says...



:] I loved everything about this poem. I like how you went through the blind, the deaf, and the mute. The last two lines were my favorite. They just pulled it all together and really portrayed your message. You did an excellent job and I am very glad I read it.
I may not be the brightest crayon in the box. I might not be the prettiest, shiniest or favorite. I might not be anything to anyone, but yet I'm still in the box.

There's nothing wrong with you. There's a lot wrong with the world you live in. - Chris Colfer

I love you all, and thank you for reading my posts
  





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Mon Oct 03, 2011 1:37 am
Fiyero says...



I must say I am very happy with your concluding stanza especially. The main idea of this poem, to believe in yourself, is a true life lesson to be learned, and you take it to an extreme that makes it easy to understand. Thank you for sharing this!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx


That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
- Whitney Brown
  





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165 Reviews


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Points: 4908
Reviews: 165
Mon Oct 03, 2011 2:30 am
Miyakko says...



:] Hey there WrittenInStone,

This was a great poem! Well done! I'd just suggest you explain a bit more how the blind man
can see, I was left to wonder about this a little.

I like how you're trying to write inspirational poetry, and I think that's absolutely fantastic!
But I think there could be more in terms of 'inspiration' in this poem. Yes, the blind man has
found a way to 'see', the deaf man has found a way to 'hear' and the mute has found a way to
'speak', but these are things they would've had to learn anyway if they were ever to communicate
in life. I'd suggest that you speak of their challenges with their disabilities, and speak about
the people that doubted them, then talk about how these three men were able to rise above
all of the negativity and prove those that doubted them wrong.

- That would be much more inspirational. It would also relate to a wider group of people.
Not everyone is blind, or deaf or a mute, so I can't find this poem inspirational to me. If you
talk about how these men were able to rise above the negativity, it would contain a deeper
message that can be applied to anybody! That everyone goes through negative or down-putting
aspects in life, and anyone can rise above them.

But nevertheless, it was a great poem and you structured it incredibly well. Actually, I think
its one of the best-structured poems I've seen! I like how you went through each of the men
and the final stanza really pulled it all together. Well done!

If you have any questions or comments, please let me know!

Miyakko.
  








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