z

Young Writers Society


Duty



User avatar
189 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 398
Reviews: 189
Mon Oct 03, 2011 2:35 pm
manisha says...



Deepest mysteries hidden deep
Canopy of trees and ferns around
Hyena’s laughter, rivers’ roar
Sent shudders down their heart.

In a mumble he said, 'brother I fear’
‘Shush. Worry not. I’ll take care’.
Darkness inevitable enveloped nature
Every turn pulled them deeper.
Dark frescos hidden in shadows
Frighten the eye that travel.

Two brothers in the woods lost
Shivering and chattering in the night’s frost.
The big brother took the little’s hand in his,
Together trying to ward of the forest’s eerie hiss.
The elder one fumbled in his pockets,
His fingers clasped the cold metal sharp.

Holding hands they trod in dread.
Poor souls lost.
A silent tear escaped the kid’s eye,
Brother hearing the sob whispered
‘don’t cry’.
The wind howled,
The rustling grew loud.
In the darkness a pair of eyes gleamed,
A brawn phantom.

The tiger’s sound resounded
Their hearts hammered.
With each distinct paw thump
The end drew perilously nearer.
‘don’t move’
Even with the words big brother
Tom took a leap.

With an agile move Tom attacked.
Little brother Ray in shock
Cried out and backed.
The tiger a monster eyed the boy
Deadly muscles flexed.
Harmed with just a knife Tom charged,
With no fear only duty.
What was a little boy to a beast?
Just a flesh meager.

But that night held miracles
Happenings never before.
For the boy blinded in the night,
Plunged the tiger’s heart.
Deep dark blood oozed out.
The cries and roars silenced
Voices of Nox again balanced.
Ray, in tears called ‘Tom?’
The loveliest voice replied
‘Didn’t I tell you I’ll take care?’
If Novels are a bucket of imagination, Short story is a bucket of imagination made to fit a mug.
  





User avatar
24 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1620
Reviews: 24
Mon Oct 03, 2011 4:51 pm
smilelikeyoumeanit says...



i'm really sorry but i don't quite understand this poem. I find it a little confusing, i understand the term of metaphor but i just don't see the links, though i would love it if you would explain it to me :)
  





User avatar
189 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 398
Reviews: 189
Tue Oct 04, 2011 5:09 am
manisha says...



smilelikeyoumeanit
oh you didnt understand it? hope i havent made it too confusing.
it about two brothers who are lost in the woods.

Deepest mysteries hidden deep
Canopy of trees and ferns around
Hyena’s laughter, rivers’ roar
Sent shudders down their heart.

In a mumble he said, 'brother I fear’
‘Shush. Worry not. I’ll take care’.
Darkness inevitable enveloped nature
Every turn pulled them deeper.
Dark frescos hidden in shadows
Frighten the eye that travel.


these stanzas is to portray the eerieness of the forest in the dark(night time). it builds up the picture.

the rest of the stanzas continue the poem. the brothers' fear. the deadly mammal -the tiger. the selfless duty of the elder brother to protect his younger sibling.

The cries and roars silenced
Voices of Nox again balanced.

Nox is referenced to the greek god of night.

i know i did a very bad job of explaining my own poetry. i am terrible at it. hope i did an acceptable amount in getting my piont across.
If Novels are a bucket of imagination, Short story is a bucket of imagination made to fit a mug.
  





User avatar



Gender: Female
Points: 1008
Reviews: 3
Tue Oct 04, 2011 3:55 pm
MusicGodess94 says...



I like the flow of the poem and the way you worded the stanzas. The only thing I'm concerned with is the style of the poem. Is is a free verse poem or a rythmic poem? Other than that the poem itself was terrific. You did a great job :)
[i]"I don't care what you think as long as its about me. The best of us can find happiness in misery",Fall Out Boy-I Don't Care
  





User avatar
11 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1221
Reviews: 11
Wed Oct 05, 2011 10:33 pm
Fiyero says...



I really do quite enjoy this. It's beginning is a little rocky, because you are thrown right in without having an understanding of the characters. However, if you wanted a more mysterious start, that's what you have! I really do like how is is written, because you quickly got me immersed in this poem. It's a lovely poem! Well, not lovely, but you know what I mean.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx


That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
- Whitney Brown
  








The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
— Mark Twain