Young Writers Society

Too many people on too small a ship;
Tears roll like rain at each crack of the whip.
United they wait for false scales to tip,
Desperate they hope that their fortunes will flip.

Day in and day out they stare at the door,
Yet still the master gives one order more-
Forever they’re faced with some other chore;
Always a new owner to struggle for.

And each hard day turns to one more cold night,
And at the end there is no strength to fight.
So they are left only dreams of their flight,
Yet they hold to those dreams with all their might.

Years later their child looks back with despair,
For this “great nation” was built on unfair.
So cruel is the world that should have stopped there
With the first captured slave’s desolate prayer.

I love it.
While it is true that such short a poem can't possibly begin to address such colossal a topic but you have managed to capture it's essence in your words and that's exactly the thing that makes it a brilliant piece.
The starting was brilliant but there is one small thing I'd like to address. While the rhyme structure is good as it is yet it did restrict you or so it seemed to me. I'd suggest switching your rhyme structure in such a case.
The structure you're using right now is an A-A-A-A. This maybe a crazy(and common) piece of advice but try switching it up, try using a A-B-A-A or anything of that sort. It doesn't matter if the last word of one line doesn't rhyme as long as the whole thing flows smoothly.
All in all, it's a wonderful poem.

Although I am in no way qualified to assess the historical premise upon which this poem was written, I find it powerful and emotional. I think you captured the feelings and inner thoughts of slaves at the time albeit if it was a bit light and or general. The fact that you can empathize with something you have never experienced nor heard from someone personally is a feat in it of itself. Keep up the good work!

[quote][/quote] Ugh, makes me sick to think that anyone could agree to slavery.
your this feeling is strongly expressed in the poem throughout. you have a strong style of writing, you radiate power through your writing.
i love the fact that you took this topic to write about. most of us decide to ignore things like slavery and all, but you wrote about it in a such a way that a complete stranger (a.k.a me in this situation) could feel your emotions about this situation.
good work:)!

This was an AMAZING poem. I too just started the section on slavery and it's just terrible what happened to them. And you could feel that emotion in this poem. It was very good