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Young Writers Society


Hemorrhage



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6 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1343
Reviews: 6
Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:57 am
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Venturepants says...



We see a world without words.
Without belief. No faith.
'Evil is the root of everything,' they scream.

'I beg to differ,' I whisper.
Finding an answer, so difficult.
Are you pushing or are you pulling?

Door after door I slam them all open.
My hair is in my mouth, blood in my eyes.
“Where are you?” I scream.
Looking for anyone. Someone.
No one answers but the thick carpets;
the creaks of the floorboards.
The heavy velvet curtains suffocate me.

A cry. A whimper.
A distant room. I hear a gun shot.
My shoulder burns, who cares?
I slide to the ground, crawling.
Reaching out with bloody hands.

Who cares? I need you.
Whoever you are, it doesn’t matter.
Just that you are.
Dizziness. My hands are lead weights.
Nothing is in focus.
But you are beautiful.

Whoever you are.

I smell the copper, the blood beneath me.
We believe. Together.
Faith is here.

You laugh, hollow. Empty.

It’s me laughing.
Who knew? Who cares?
You’re beautiful. You have faith.
Complete this circle.

The floorboards creak.
I can’t see. I crane my neck.
Blood fills my eyes.
“I’m here.” You say.
My hair is moved from my face.

The world goes go dark.
“Me too.” I whisper. “I’m here.”
Every experience is a paradox in that it means to be absolute, and yet is relative; in that it somehow always goes beyond itself and yet never escapes itself.
T.S. Eliot
  





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378 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1276
Reviews: 378
Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:05 pm
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Soulkana says...



Hello, Venture~! ^^ I'm here to review for you today...first off I truly loved this! Very gripping and kept me wanting to read til the end which is fantastic <3! I couldn't find any spelling errors and I'm awful with punctuation myself so I can't really critique that but I can, at least, say I enjoyed this thoroughly! *clicks the like button* I hope you get many good reviews and I hope to see more from you, soon! ^^
Aydan Soulkana<3
May the gentle moon take you into peaceful dreams. May the mighty sun brighten your new days.
  





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1634 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 67548
Reviews: 1634
Wed Dec 07, 2011 6:17 pm
Deanie says...



Hi Venture!

I really liked this poem. It was entrancing, and although the poem seemed dark and very deep it showed clear emotions. I can't say much about it except it was wonderful. I felt like I needed to read it twice (which I did). Everything seems really good so there isn't much I can criticise on... all I can say is it is brilliant!

Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015
  








It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.
— Voltaire