Young Writers Society

some people think that your crazy
but it never worked out with them either...

the rainbows will fall until the rain comes down
and then the people will realize how special you are

but then when the mountains arose
we had the kiss

the rainbow was right above us
and I knew it would never ever last

Im a small town girl
your a big town boy

and it was kinda obvious
what would happen

the rain was just like peices of glass
that landed oun our heads that day

and thats when I relized
a heart is never to waste

i pulled away
and tryed to say

that you were nothing to me
and that you had no interest in me

And that you belong with someone else
and I deserve the same.
<3333

Great poem, great meaning, although kind of a rip off of a few Journey songs......Either way, your biggest problem was punctuation and that's what I'm here to fix!

Some people think that your crazy,
But it never worked out with them either...

The rainbows will fall until the rain comes down,
And then the people will realize how special you are.

But then when the mountains arose
We had the kiss.

The rainbow was right above us,
And I knew it would never ever last.

I'm a small town girl;
You're a big town boy,

And it was kinda obvious
What would happen.

The rain was just like pieces of glass
That landed on our heads that day.

And that's when I realized
A heart is never to waste.

I pulled away,
And tried to say,

That you were nothing to me
And that you had no interest in me.

You belong with someone else (The and here does not work. It needs to be cut.)
And I deserve the same.


Other than that, more visual imagery would add to the emotion of the poem, it doesn't have much emotion as it is.

Great poem! I loved your storyline. It isn't easy to make a poem into a story, but this is a very good example of one. You do have punctuation and spelling errors however.

Pixie2 wrote:peices

Pieces

Pixie2 wrote:tryed

tried.

Those might have been type-oes, but just in case. Good job!

Hey there Pix! I'm here to review since I haven't that for so long! ;D Here goes...

some people think that you're crazy
but it never worked out with them either...

the rainbows will fall until the rain comes down
and then the people will realize how special you are

but then when the mountains arose
we had the kiss (this stanza just "don't cut it" for me. I mean your tense changes here and it doesn't sound right because you use 'but then'. What are you referring to? What happened before the 'but then'? If you wish to keep these words, change the tense back - like this:
but then when the mountains arise
we have the kiss or we kiss.

Or just get rid of the 'but then'.)

the rainbow was right above us
and I knew it would never ever last

I'm a small-town girl
you're a big-town boy

and it was kinda obvious
what would happen

the rain was just like pieces of glass
that landed oun our heads that day

and that's when I realized
a heart is never to waste

I pulled away
and tryed to say

that you were nothing to me
and that you had no interest in me

And that you belong with someone else
and I deserve the same.
<3333

So, let's discuss the problems.

Tenses: Don't change tenses so drastically. Let the change be swift and make sure it makes sense.

Punctuation: Either NO punctuation at all or use proper punctuation. In some places (like near the end) you use punctuation when you had started without any.

Vocabulary: Too many ANDs. Use other connectives please because it gets repeptitive and wearisome.


That's all for now. I like the message you tried to express through this poem. I like the line/title: A heart is never to waste. Keep writing because that's the only way to keep ipproving.