Young Writers Society

Into oblivion-
As i walk alone into oblivion i stop
i stop and wonder,how did i come here?
wait, wasn't life just perfect a while ago?
where'd every one go ?
and my answer is silence,eerie silence
the road in front of me is foggy
the road behind me is unclear
i'm not sure where I shall trudge
The aching longing of living the past
calls me from my back
The aching longing of leaving this world
calls me in front
Where did i start on this road? i know not
Where shall this road end ? i know not
It will stop,as soon as it started and all
All shall fade into oblivion, just as I am now
As i walk alone into oblivion I look behind
Was that somebody there?
No, just shadows of the past
I disappear into oblivion and into the eerie fogs
As suddenly as the road got empty
As suddenly as the silence descended
As suddenly as the fog engulfed me
I walk and I walk into oblivion
--Zaid Ansari

Hi. I really like your poem. I just have two small suggestions, you use the words eerie, fog, and oblivion a lot in them. I try to refrain from doing this because I feel that it turns a reader off of the poem. Other then that I really like it and the imagery you use towards the begging is really good.

Hi Zaid

I really loved your poem. The title matched it well. Your opening lines made me very eager to continue read and your last line summed everything up perfectly. I loved how you asked yourself questions in the poem. At first, you didn't have any answers and then at the end you answered them even though you still didn't know the answer (in the poem) I found that a really great element in your poem.

You do repeat fog and the word oblivion a lot, but I like it. Repeating words from the title helps the reader stay connected to the theme of the poem as well as the text. And I like how you portrayed the past and future, as you standing on a road and not being able to see ahead or behind because of the mist. And I could really imagine the feeling of being torn between two things.

Well I just said how much I love your poem... I should state bad points but I cannot find any! Good job!

Deanie x